The Gentlemen's Games: The Dark Origin Story of Alice Knight
Jan 25, 2023 15:17:01 GMT -5
Marcus Welsh and Alice Knight like this
Post by Plethora the Perilous on Jan 25, 2023 15:17:01 GMT -5
WEDNESDAY JANUARY 24, 2023 - COLUMBUS, OHIO
The screen flashes from black to a moment of static to the image of Bifford dressed as Plethora the Perilous pinning Alice Knight to defend his OCW Championship. We then see footage from Death March 2019 where Bifford throws his MAGICAL FLEECE in front of Alice's Owl Cart and the horrible accident that happens with Alice ending up unconscious under the cart. Finally the scene opens outside the courthouse in Columbus, Ohio and it's quite the spectacle. Standing around in a crowd are The Big Bifford, Earl the Popcorn Salesman, Cornelius Cook (the lawyer), Alice Knight, the old white man Ehud of Moab, and Ehud's grandson who is a large 100% African American guy. The camera pans in and a bunch of conversations are happening at once. Alice Knight is whispering with Earl.
Alice: So.. you guys actually made people into chicken sandwiches?
Earl: Don't wanna talk about it. But sorry I was short with you on Monday.. I made this for you.
Earl reached into his backpack and pulled out a clear bag of very yellow looking popcorn.
Earl: It's made with all your favorite things..
Alice stares at the gift with her mouth open, unsure how to take it. Her face slowly softens though and she looks happy. She moves her lips, as though beginning to say something, but stops. She is speechless.
Earl: It's mustard flavored popcorn.. I used owl fat in place of butter.
The look of happiness disappears.
Alice: Owl fat..?
Earl shrugs his shoulders and then turns to face Bifford, who has begun snapping his fingers.
Bifford: Listen up! We are here today to settle THE GENTLEMEN'S GAMES between Alice Knight and Ehud of Moab. Alice Knight is an OCW Hall of Famer, former OCW Champion from a very dark period in company history, and has lost to me multiple times. Ehud of Moab is a retired sheriff and he likes oatmeal!
Earl, Cornelius, and Ehud's black grandson all politely clap for the combatants.
Bifford: The winner moves one step closer to becoming my tag team partner for Decadence where I will become The OCW Tag Team Champion. You may also be allowed to call yourself a Champion, but you'll be less of a champion than I.. For I am THE BIG BIFFORD!
The same people who politely clapped now clap very fervently, including some random people walking by.
Bifford: Meanwhile inside this very courtroom, Cornelius Cook will dazzle the jury and put Kenny the Intern one step closer to being back with us!
Earl claps, mostly because he's been doing Kenny's many tasks himself since Kenny has been jailed.
Bifford: Our opponents this weekend are no joke.. The Nickelback I've fought before. The Nickelback has pinned me.. but this weekend, I shall pin the Nickelback. And then we have that Bourbon fellow.. he likes to fight, but so do I. And the way that THE BIG KNIGHT, which is our team name, will win is simple: THE KNIGHT'S END. That's where I Biff End the loser and then pin them and my partner watches..
Bifford says this and then makes eye contact with Alice, Ehud, and Ehud II.
Bifford: In this round of THE GENTLEMEN'S GAMES We will see Alice Knight take on EHUD OF MOAB in a RACE AROUND THIS BUILDING!
Ehud looks at Bifford with some apprehension and then he takes off at a sprint. He's walking pretty slowly. Alice watches him walk away and then looks at Bifford.
Alice: This seems.. too easy.
Bifford: Alice, let me ask you something.. have you ever done anything bad? Like really bad? Because if you want to team with me, you can't be this goody-two-shoes. You need to have a streak of violence.. a streak of anger. Smiles, mustard and owls aren't going to beat Bobby Bourbon and Nickelback.
Alice: You know I've pinned people before. I win matches, Bifford.
Bifford: Alice, I pin you like it's a normal bodily function.. Now, I'm guessing you're going to beat Ehud in this race. But we aren't going to win this unless you have.. you know.. a little bit of an evil side.
Looking off into the distance for a moment, Alice thinks and her face cringes, obviously remembering something from her past.
Alice: Just because I'm fun and like to joke around doesn't mean I'm not serious as hell. You might Biff End Bourbon or Nickleman at Decadence, but it'll be me getting the pin. It'll be me who ends it, just like I'm gonna end this race real quick.
Bifford looks at Alice with a dirty look and quietly says, "on your marks, get set, go.." Alice glares at Bifford and then looks and sees that Ehud is only a dozen yards away. She starts walking casually and passes Ehud about 30 seconds later, carrying her little bag of very yellow popcorn. Earl looks over at Bifford, "why you givin' her this easy task?" Bifford laughs aloud, "well there's that kid that Buffy has been possessing and having kill people who oppose me.. He killed that Kent guy in the alley Alice is about to go through behind the building.. I figure it was worth a shot, in case Buffy wants to get rid of this issue." Bifford turns his attention to Cornelius Cook.
Bifford: Do we have any chance to win this trial? Get Kenny out?
Cook: Oh yeah, we're gonna win..
Earl: I don't see how we can. That is the stupidest defense idea I have ever heard. People aren't prejudiced against people who wear eyeglasses.
Cook: Oh yeah they are.
The four men stand awkwardly outside the building, just waiting for Alice and Ehud to return. Ehud is still visible, making his way around the first corner. Earl looks over at Bifford and says, "this is real captivating television Bifford.. we just gonna wait around here for 10 minutes for Alice to walk around the building? Ratings are going through the roof."
Bifford (laughing): No.. let's roll that flashback we taped earlier this week of Alice's Origin Story.. the ORIGIN STORY of EVIL ALICE.
Earl: We taped that? Why wasn't I in that?
Bifford: Why would you, a Jamaican popcorn salesman, be in Alice's evil origin story? Plus I just sent the production people to her place, I didn't even go. I hope she didn't make something way too long when it's supposed to be aired 50% today and 50% tomorrow.
Bifford looks into the camera with a frustrated look on his face, like he knows this flashback is way too long. Then the scene slowly fades to darkness.
SOMEWHERE FROM ALICE'S PAST, 2009
“Brotherhood of Bastards? B.O.B? Bob? Bobby Austin? Oh God. I never thought about that kid and what happened to him in years. It happened a long time ago. The year was 2009 and the world was weird. I mean the number one movie in America was James Cameron’s Avatar? Different era indeed. My father recently cut me off of my inheritance and I was ready to travel the world even if I had to do it as a disgustingly, yet sexy, homeless bum. Monday was the day I left… but the weekend was my final farewell. So I hung out with my best friends. The Robinson twins, Phil and Jill. The high school lovers, Janet and Cooper. And of course ole Barry. The 50 year old deaf guy with wooden feet. He was a real HOOT!
We'd get stoned via heavy doobs under the bridge and then hit the bars. The gang loved me when I got into fights. I was petite but I won enough brawls with drunken buffoons. Good times.”
Phil: Hey, dudes… we’re almost out of the pots.
Jill throws the last can of beer into the empty case.
Jill: Running low on brews too.. plus the make out sluts over there drank most of the Coor’s.
Cooper and Janet smacking lips both give us the finger.
Alice: Should we hit the bars? I’m ready for a good fight. Man, I hope that mentally challenged midget plays 'Finger Eleven' one more time on the jukebox. I’m gonna mess him up and then I AM getting hammered, yo!
Phill: Ok.. I’ll drive my sis, Coop’ and Janet. You take Barry in your car, Alice.
Approaching our respective vehicles, Barry mumbled something in ‘deaf talk’ and made a motion with his fists that I was gonna give him a hand job in my car. They laughed and I kindly flipped them the bird.
Later..
Driving my car I used some KFC wet naps to clean my hands as Barry zipped up his pants. He lit up a doobie right there in the car while 'Hypnotize' by Scritti Politti played from the CD stereo. I was shocked.
Alice: Dude.. we can’t be token heavy doobs in the car! I’m driving, guy…
Barry mumbled some more hilarious nonsense at me. Making sense or not, holding back my laughter, I snatched the joint from his hairy hands. Rolling down the window I was about to toss it out but not before I took a couple puffs myself. High as a kite I held up the joint in Barry’s direction.
Alice: You see what happens, Barry? This is a waste of weed. But I'm not going to prison for impaired driving… So mumble bye-bye to the joint..
I flicked the joint out of the car. That’s when it happened.
*THUMP* *SQUEEEEEEEEEEL*
“Still dazed, I stuck my head out of the window looking around. I was nervous, scared, tired but still jammin’ a bit. Scritti Politti = Underrated.”
Alice: Barry… what was that?
“I shrugged as Barry muttered complete gibberish. Getting out of the car we walked to the rear. My back lights lit the dark area. All I could see was the slow flapping of a wounded collie dog’s tail hitting the pavement.”
Alice: OH MY GOD! I KILLED LASSIE!
“Mush-mouth Barry said something to the likes that the dog wasn’t dead. ‘Hardy-har-harI rolled my eyes and passed a frantic Barry. Grabbing a nearby large rock. I carried it over and dropped it on the dog's head. The tail stopped wagging.
Barry:...
“I got into Barry’s face.”
Alice: Look, dummy! I have a bright future ahead of me. I am not going to let some dead dog get in the way of it…
“Barry covered his mouth looking over my shoulder.”
Alice: What? Does my breath smell like fried bologna again? Did I fart?
“He pointed as I turned around to see an unconscious body of what appeared to be a 12 year old boy. This was Bobby Austin. While I could see the boy was breathing. I was clearly in trouble. His face was scraped and smeared with blood. I was speechless. Stunned. Shrugging I looked at the large rock and back at Barry. He shook his head ‘no’. I slapped Barry across the face. Hard.”
Alice: Do you wanna go to jail you piece of shit? Sure I go to a wacky lesbo camp for life. But you? Shit. I hear giant tattooed white supremacists and big dong'd black rapists do terrible things to kid killers.
Barry:.
Alice: That’s what I thought.. just keep an eye out for anyone. Pussy…
“I spat at his feet and picked up the large rock and walked my way over to the boy. I have been called a ‘villain’ in the wrestling business recently. Due to my affair with CJ O’Donnell, my association with the Paramount group and my 'poisonous' mustard. But this was something else. Could I really do this? A dumb dog is one thing but an innocent pre-teen? It was make or break time.
I held the rock up high over my shoulders.
A tear ran down my cheek.
I closed my eyes...
TEN MINUTES AFTER THE FIRST SCENE, COLUMBUS OHIO
Bifford, Earl, Cornelius, and Ehud II are standing around looking at a cell phone watching the Alice flashback. Bifford's mouth is hanging open and they all look rather shocked.
Bifford: Hold on.. did she just.. is she thinking about killing some kid with a rock? This is too dark for us. The mustard lady has lost it.. this is way darker than whatever Nickelback is gonna brood about this week. Bobby Bourbon is gonna need a drink after watching Alice thinking about murdering kids with a fucking rock.
Cook: That woman needs a lawyer..
Earl: Is she prejudiced against for being a brunette, Cook? Well.. that was kinda long.. and.. disturbing.
Bifford: Did you really put Owl Fat in that popcorn?
Earl rolls his eyes and shakes his head negatively. Then in the background we see Alice Knight round the corner and walking up to them. The bag of mustard-popcorn is empty.
Alice: That was delicious popcorn, Earl! I win and I'm ready to do what it takes to win at Decadence! Bring it on, Bourbon and Nickleman! I will do WHATEVER. IT. TAKES.
Bifford, Earl, Cornelius Cook, and Ehud II all look at Alice with apprehension, unsure of how dark things are about to get, as the scene fades to darkness.