Post by TheMeccaOfManhood on Sept 23, 2022 17:01:30 GMT -5
*The scene opens to The Bod God standing on the American side of Niagara Falls. The piercing blue eyes of the Abdominal Adonis stare daggers into the land of the Maple Leaf Losers. Suddenly, The Titan of Testosterone begins to gag. The Mecca of Manhood pulls the tie from his yoked neck, grabs the collar of his dress shirt, and begins loosening it.
The Marvelous One rubs at his neck and finally takes a deep breath. The Sultan of Swole clears his throat before beginning to speak. *
Oh sorry everyone, I was pulling a Buffalo Bills, you know… choking. The team of mediocrity, in the city of mediocrity, that borders the country of mediocrity. Buffalo, what a crap hole, this town is like you took a city from Arkansas and moved it up north.
Look at the beloved team of this city, the Bills. The Bills went eleven and six last year, and the fans of the Buffalo Buffoons expect this team to go seventeen and oh this year, running the table and getting a ring. You Fools are as delusional as you the brain-dead Sean McDermott, who was a bad half-season away from getting shitcanned a few years ago until Josh Allen showed up and bailed his sorry shrunken sack out. Now McDermott gets to enjoy an undeservedly long career despite the fact that it was HIS defense that blew that game. It was McDermott who called the timeouts that allowed Kansas City, not his defense, to call the exact right play they needed. It was McDermott who elected to kick the ball into the end zone after Allen appeared to have locked the game up. It was McDermott and his DC, Leslie Frazier, who set up their defense as if the Chiefs had no timeouts left when they still had all of them. And it was McDermott who threw his own players under the bus when the press asked him how they could blow that game so badly.
Success starts at the top, and it starts with leadership. America had leadership as bad as the Buffalo Bills, who should rightfully be moved to the CFL. Honestly, Canada could take this whole crap city. Under the leadership of Marvelous Mike Mason, America will be a lot less like the Bills, and a lot more like the New England Patriots.
I will turn America from mediocrity to Marvelousity. From a country full of cesspool crap holes like Buffalo, Little Rock, and Morgantown, to a land full of immaculate towns like Miami, Martha's Vineyard, and Los Angeles. I will remove the soy boys like Zeus and Hades, who are nothing more than wannabe bodybuilders, and turn America into a land of jacked and tanned monsters like myself.
*The Bod God rips his shirt open revealing his pre-oiled abs and pecks. The President Of Pump pops his pecks in a manner that would make even Terry Crews blush. *
Zeus and Hades are nothing but false Gods, just like the Bills are a fake NFL team, and the leadership of this country is fake intellectuals. I'm the real deal, more gold than the best Buffalo Bill. Might be a hard-to-swallow pill, but I’m the one your girl thinks about when she gets a cheap thrill. I’m the man sculpted from steel and dripping with sex appeal. Like a little piggy, I’m gonna make Zeus and Hade squeal. Eat um up like a fat kid does a Happy Meal. Cherish me while I’m here because there will never be a sequel.
*The Bod God smirks, revealing his shiny veneers. The Mecca of Manhood turns slowly to look back at Canada, and says softly to himself, “I’m going to build such a big beautiful wall here”. The shot focuses on the falls as the scene fades. *