Tuesday Night Equality ....Episode 11!
May 18, 2022 17:16:56 GMT -5
Marcus Welsh, Alice Knight, and 2 more like this
Post by Lord Allton on May 18, 2022 17:16:56 GMT -5
It’s a few hours before the show and the entirety of Lord Allton’s entourage and A-List Family (which now includes Roxxie Gobbler it would seem) are in his makeshift office here in Djibouti, chatting, relaxing and generally having a relaxed time) and Allton is eating a Yum-Yum when there is a knock at his door. Allton waves to Tank, who stands up and opens the door.
: Oh do pardon me, my tall friend.
Not recognising the voice, Allton looks over at Tank who shrugs.
Allton: Who’s that?
Roxxie grimaces when she recognises the voice.
Roxxie: Ugh… it’s STAN.
Allton nods to Tank and dusts his hands and himself down while Tank gestures for Stan to enter.
Allton: Staniel…
Stan: Lord Allton… I - I’m sorry? ‘Staniel?’
Allton: Little throwback to American Dad, my friend.
Stan nods and then notices just how many are in the office - and takes particular interest in Roxxie and Lissandra.
Stan: My… my my….are we having a family gathering? Ladies.
Roxxie and Lissandra roll their eyes. Dylan Thomas is in the back by Lissandra keeping an eye on Stan.
Allton: Can I help you, dear boy? Or are you just going to continue walking on eggshells?
Stan continues to stare at Roxxie and Lissandra.
Allton: Stan?
Nothing.
Allton: Stan?
Allton waves to Marta Grimes who marches over, grabbing Stan by the arm. Tank holds the door open.
Stan: I - No, wait!
Marta then begins to drag Stan towards the door.
Stan: I actually wanted to say something.
Allton looks up from his desk. Marta pauses.
Allton: Proceed.
Stan: Miss Roxxie, what are you doing after the show?
Allton: Really?
Stan looks at Roxxie like a hopeful puppy dog.
Allton: Are you serious?
Allton looks around the room, Roxxie looks disgusted.
Allton: Is he serious?
Roxxie: I’m washing my hair.
Stan: Miss Thomas?
Lissandra: Oh Stan, that’s ‘Mrs’. I’m married.
Dylan: To me, bro.
Allton: Get him out of here, please…
Stan: Miss Grimes?
Marta: Oh hell no.
Marta grabs Stan by the neck from behind and moves him towards the door.
Stan: Miss Matsuda?
Allton: Goodbye Stan.
Stan is shoved out of the door and the office door slams shut.
Stan: Oh…fiddlesticks. I did actually mean to ask something.
Stan turns around to knock at the door again when the screen fades out.
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The OCW titles run and Lissandra Thomas is in her usual spot at the commentary table. Her husband Dylan is once again joining her for his own brand of colour commentary.
Lissandra: It’s Equality time, once again folks! I’m Lissandra, being joined once again by my husband Dylan Thomas.
Dylan: Hey hey, A-List Fam!
Lissandra: What are you, Krusty the Klown?
Dylan: Haha… nah, babe. Just… quoting someone else.
Lissandra: Who?
Dylan: Someone who reads this, shit.
Lissandra: Watches. We’re on TV.
Dylan: Right.
Lissandra: Anyway, fans…what started out as three matches for tonight’s show - with new signee Vicky Stone leading the charge in our main event against the Dirt Bag Kid - has turned into four matches.
Dylan: Four?
Lissandra: Yep, four. Because friend of the A-List and Lord Allton, Mike Zybala has requested a match. A match vs anyone of Lord Allton’s choosing. Thus, it’s Mike Zybala one on one with Stan.
Dylan: Was that the guy from earlier tonight? Before the show?
Lissandra: It was.
Dylan: Hey, Mikey. I know you can hear me…..please SUPERKICK that fucker’s head off….
Lissandra: ….Anyway…. Later tonight, Roxxie faces Jade Spritz. I think there was some jealousy last week and Marcy gets her hands on Tony the Spider. I’m told that CJ O’ Donnell will also be in attendance somewhere tonight despite having the night off actually wrestling. And like I said, Vicky Stone makes her Equality debut later on tonight. Speaking of Vicky Stone, I believe we have a message from her backstage.
~Vicky Stone is seen backstage by a sink wearing her wrestling gear. She is busy washing her hands under warm water. Applying lots of hand soap. Almost too much hand soap to be honest. She finishes as her cell phone rings. She answers it.~
Vicky Stone: Go for Vicky... Samuel f'n Grey... How is my favorite talent agent doing tonight?
~Vicky listens and then proceeds to laughs out loud.~
Vicky Stone: ... what a story, Sam! I particularly enjoyed the part about when you mentioned 'you drove away drunk from the scene of the accident'. It's so true... so f'n true, man. ... Me? Oh I'm ready for my debut in the OCW ... let me finish... the OCW Equality show. Yeah... yea... yea... it's a downgrade a bit from what I am used to. But hey when life hands you a pile of blankets what do you do? ... Yep... that's right... Make a super awesome fort with them and some pillows...
~Vicky Stone begins walking down the hallway as she chats on the phone.~
Vicky Stone: But seriously, I am wrestling some guy named Dirt Bag Kid? He sounds really disgusting to be honest. He sounds like he went into a coma back in the year 2000 and just woke up in 2022 and refuses to adapt to modern times. ... Yeah. He's a loser. I'm not too worried about him. ... I got this... Huh? No... No I have not! I told you I kicked that sniffing gasoline and spray paint addiction months ago. I'm good. I'm much better now. What do you mean 'My Pee Fetish'? ... What? Where did you hear that? ... Bullshit! Anyway if you're going to talk stupid, I am going to say bye right now... Okay. BYE!
Vicky puts down her phone as she passes a janitor's closet with "DBK's LOCKER ROOM" written on duct tape. A large clear garbage bag is by the locker room door. Inside the garbage bag Vicky can be seen dozens of empty Monster Energy Drink bottles. She rolls her eyes. The muffled sounds of Uncle Kracker's song Whiskey and Water can be heard in the closet.
Vicky Stone: Wow. This guy is so gross and weird. What a loser...
Vicky laughs to herself shaking her head at the same time and keeps walking down the hallway. She stops when she sees a bunch of spray paint cans and dirty rags sitting on a tool case. She looks around nervously before quickly grabbing a arm full of spray paint cans and a damp rag before she rushes off screen.
Lissandra: Did she just call Equality a downgrade?
Dylan: I’m afraid so, baby.
Lissandra: She should have seen it before Lord Allton took over from Sugar Valentine. Nothing but glorified pornography!!!!! THAT would have been a downgrade! At least Allton has concentrated on the WRESTLING side of things.
Dylan: Easy, baby…
Lissandra breathes a heavy sigh.
Lissandra: You’re right. You’re right, I’m sorry… Hah…. as Allton would say, ‘on with the fucking show!’
Dylan: So tell me more about this glorified porn….?
Lissandra: Excuse me?
Dylan: I mean, I’m just curious, sweetie….
Lissandra: BELV! Kick things off, my friend!
Lissandra pauses, raising a hand up to Belvedere.
Lissandra: Hang on, Belv. We’ve got to head backstage, like right now.
—-------------------------
Backstage, we are back at Allton’s office with Stan being shoved out of the office again by Marta Grimes and Matsuda.
Marta: Listen you… I thought we told you to get your squirrelly ass out of here. ‘Sides your match is up next.
Stan: Y-yes, I’m quite aware but before I go, I really do wish to ask Lord Allton a question. Please. I must see him.
We hear Allton’s voice but we don’t see him yet.
Allton (from inside the office): All right. All right.
Allton comes to the door. Stan is trying to get into the office and Marta Grimes and Tank act as human brick walls stopping him from entering. Allton coughs from behind them. Immediately they stop and part like the red sea. Allton crosses his arms - very unimpressed right now given that he has already told Stan to leave - poor Staniel.
Allton: What? And this BETTER be good you moustached goof. You’re holding up MY show.
Stan: Yes. Yes. Well… Um… I have to ask.
Allton pulls out his phone to check the time. He is NOT impressed.
Allton: Yes?
Stan: Why am I in a match with Mike Zybala? I always wrestle the ladies.
Allton smirks.
Allton: You are wrestling Mike Zybala because I SAID you’re wrestling Mike Zybala! You understand?!
Stan nods.
Allton: Now… I suggest that you get out to the ring, before I am agitated further…
Stan: Er…uh…yes of course.
Allton: Tank. Make sure he gets to the ring would you?
Stan: So I can’t even have Miss Grimes escort me?
Marta: Ohhhh please! PLEASE LET ME….
Allton shakes his head. Tank begins to escort Stan away from the office.
Allton: Oh, by the way… Stan.
Tank and Stan stop and turn around.
Allton: You were nothing before you came to my show. You’ve had two matches. Granted yes against two of my girls but you do NOT and WILL not exclusively wrestle women on my show. At least not now we’re branching out. You wrestle who I tell you to. Now GET OUT THERE AND GET YOUR ARSE KICKED BY ZYBALA!!!!!!!!
Allton notices the camera as Tank and Stan walk away.
Allton: And you…. You get out of here too.
The office door slams shut and we fade.
—-------------------------------
Dylan: Rob uh, Lord Allton is piiiiiiiiiiiissssssssssed.
Lissandra: Yeah.
Dylan: You think we’re gonna see an emergence of PennyLord?
Lissandra: He’s clown free these days, baby. Pennywise is no longer in his head. And the PennyLord character is an OCW TV character for kids.
Dylan: He showed up on the island. Albeit with no makeup.
Lissandra: Well yeah, but that was because PennyLord and Soot Losem had issues. Anyway… Belv, I think we can finally get underway. Over to you…
Belvedere nods.
Belvedere: Ladies and Gentlemen, your opening contest is for one fall! Introducing first…. Stan!
I’m Too Sexy For My Shirt by Right Said Fred hits the speakers and out comes Stan the Ladies Man to absolutely no fanfare. The people couldn’t give a shit. Stan climbs into the ring and waits for his opponent. Conversely Gary Wright’s Dreamweaver hits!
Belvedere: And his opponent, from Buffalo, New York, weighing in at 196lbs… he is the former OCW Commissioner, the Owner of Outsiders Championship Wrestling, good friend of Equality General Manager Lord Allton and honourary member of the A-List Family at the behest of Dylan Thomas, Lissandra Thomas and Lord Allton…..he is, Mike Zybala!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The crowd goes nuts for Zybala who SUPERKICK’S open the curtain. Zybala makes his way down the ramp, once again milking his Equality entrance with high fives aplenty all around. He looks up at Stan in the ring when he reaches it and politely smiles at him. Stan meanwhile still looks as though he is going to piss himself. Zybala climbs into the ring and the people cheer again. Scruff rings the bell as we get underway,
Lissandra: The two combatants walking to the centre of the ring here….
Dylan: ‘Combatants’ babe? Really? There’s only one combatant in this match, baby and it sure as shit ain’t Stan.
Lissandra: I mean, yeah, alright… Oh my! What a SUPERKICK!
Scruff slides in.
Scruff: 1……2……3!!!
Belvedere: Here is your winner: Mike…Zyb-
Suddenly Kings Never Die by Eminem hits and CJ O’Donnell slowly walks out onto stage keeping his eyes on Zybala. There is no confident swagger this time from CJ. His walk is slow and deliberate. He stares Zybala down and Zybala returns the favour, smirking at CJ saying ‘See you at Massacre, ‘partner!’’ The Distinguished One however does not smirk. He does not smile. He doesn’t even talk. CJ simply stares Zybala down as we head for a break.
=============================================
Lissandra: Welcome back fans. Before the break and after Mike Zybala’s match with Stan….we had an appearance by CJ O’Donnell. He didn’t speak but rather stared down his own partner for next week on Massacre. But as per usual, Zybala took it all in his usual jovial stride.
Dylan: That he did. I think his match at Big Game Hunting with TLS perhaps has the makings to potentially steal the show. WERE IT NOT FOR THE FACT THAT I’M FACING OFF against Owl Is Night herself Alice Knight. #HOOT.
Lissandra: You two certainly do have the opportunity and the skill sets to steal the show, babe.
Dylan looks off into the crowd.
Dylan: Hey, look at that sign.
Out in the crowd there is a sign that reads ‘A-List. Best. Dylan. God.’
Dylan: Well isn’t that nice, honey? I don’t know if I’m a wrestling God as such but…. Thanks anyway, fans! The A-List loves our fans too! Right, Lissie?
Lissandra: We most certainly do! Coming up next fans, it’s Marcy vs Tony the Spider. And it’s next after this break!
=================================================================
Belvedere clears his throat.
Belvedere: Introducing first, already in the ring because Rob can’t find his bio…….Tony The Spider!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Lissandra: Uh…what?
Dylan: I’m sure someone will know what that means……
Bad Girls by MIA hits.
Belvedere: And his opponent, from St. Paul Minnesota, weighing in tonight at 150lbs, The! Head! Mistress!!!!!!!!!
Marcy comes out on stage smirking to the fans.
Lissandra: Unfortunately, tonight is Marcy’s final night for three weeks.
Dylan: Yes, because Allton can’t say no to a pretty face.
Lissandra: Well…. I was going to say that it’s because it’s her birthday coming up and she requested the time off last week but…
Dylan: But you can’t deny that I’m right, can you?
Lissandra: Not this time.
Dylan: Haha.
The fans cheer for The Head Mistress as she saunters down to the ring. She high fives some lucky fans along the way. Just before entering the ring she notices a sign being held by a guy in a Gilbert mask that reads ‘Marcy! It’s my birthday!! Kiss me!’
Dylan: A Gilbert mask?
Lissandra: A Gilbert mask.
Dylan: That little weirdo is that popular?
Lissandra: Popular enough to warrant a mask, you mean?
Dylan: ….Sure, yeah. I mean no, but out of Political Correctness sure.
Marcy leans in and kisses the guy on the cheek before saying ‘Happy Birthday!’ and ‘Nice Mask’. She then looks into the camera and mouths the words ‘I’m coming for you, Gilly….’ with a wink and then climbs into the ring suddenly becoming very serious, staring at Tony. Scruff rings the bell.
THM: You screwed me out of the OOC title!
Tony: Hahahahahahahahahaha!!!
THM: Is that all you do? Laugh?
Tony: Hahahaha!
The Head Mistress sighs and grabs Tony by the hair. She then hits The Real Hummer!!! Scruff counts the three!!
Lissandra: Marcy with some measure of revenge against Tony the Spider there.
Dylan: After facing Alexandra Calaway on Massacre and Marcy tonight, Tony doesn’t look so good babe.
Lissandra: He does not.
Tony the Spider is still in the ring flat out as medical personnel and referees surround him.
Lissandra: Fans, we shall be back after this break, when Roxxie G goes one on one with Jade Spritz! It’ll be a hell of a match. And it’s next!
===============================================================
After we come back Tuff N’ Nuff and the Viagra Boys are in Jade Spritz’s locker room as well as Carmen. Jade is looking in the mirror getting ready for her match and Carmen is talking to her.
Carmen: I can’t believe Gobbler challenged you to this match Jade. All because you went to talk to Lord Allton. What, can only she do that now?
Jade smiles, as she applies lipstick but she doesn’t say a word. A few minutes go by and she stands up, ready to go.
Spritz: How do I look?
Tuff N’ Nuff: Phenomenal Miss Spritz.
Viagra Boys: Yeah. Really good.
Spritz: I WASN’T ASKING YOU ASSHOLES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Carmen! How do I look?
Carmen: As beautiful as ever, Jade.
??: I think you look fooking shocking!
Suddenly the locker room door flies open and CJ O’Donnell is there with a smirk (and a chair)!
Spritz: Get him you fools!
Tuff N’ Nuff and the Viagra Boys fly at CJ but he knocks every single one of them out. In the chaos Jade and Carmen escape while CJ continues beating the shit out of Tuff N’ Nuff and the Viagra Boys. Back at ringside………
Belvedere: Being accompanied to the ring by Carmen, Jade Spritz!
The crowd boos as Carmen and Spritz make their way to the ring. Their noses are in the air and they don’t give a crap.
Belvedere: And her opponent, one of the original pillars of the Equality brand, she is Roxxie! Gobbler!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The crowd pops hard for their beloved Roxxie. But there is no skating to the ring for her tonight. No, Roxxie instead flies out from behind the curtain, sprints down the ramp and tackles Spritz to the ground!
Dylan: Woah!
Lissandra: Roxxie is mad!
She then hammers Spritz with multiple punches until Carmen gets involved, grabbing Roxxie by the head. Spritz then stands, checking her nose and both she and Carmen hit Roxxie with a double DDT! Carmen then exits the ring and Scruff finally rings the bell! Roxxie however simply shrugs off the double DDT and lets out a primal scream!
Lissandra: Uh…oh…Roxxie with the Eat My Roxx!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dylan: The what?!
Lissandra: Eat My Roxx. It’s what she calls that double handed chokebomb!
Dylan: Hilarious!
Without hesitation, Roxxie locks a sleeperhold onto Jade and drags her to the floor!
Dylan: Holy shit! The BarrySlayer! Allton’s BarrySlayer!
Lissandra: Yes indeed. Roxxie has taken to using that quite a bit recently!
Jade spends no wasted time and immediately falls victim to the sleeper hold!
Lissandra: Roxxie Gobbler wins yet again! Fans we have to take our final break but we’ll be back after this!
—--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Once again we cut backstage to where the Dirt Bag Kid is outside Lord Allton’s office practising with his nunchucks again. One of the nunchucks slams against the door and Marta Grimes opens the door with an angry look on her face.
dBk: Woah! Shocking!
Marta: Excuse me?
dBk: Your face. It’s shocking.
Marta: Oh that’s it you little jackass….
Marta Grimes without warning grabs dBk by the head and slams it into the wall! Lord Allton emerges from the office.
Allton: Miss Grimes! What the hell are you doing?!
Marta: A public service.
Allton: We have Vicky Stone for that…..
Marta: Yeah, I know.
Allton sighs.
Allton: Alright, carry him to the ring, I suppose.
Vicky Stone, while all of this has been going on has already made her way to the ring to a warm welcoming reception.
Belvedere: And her opponent…..er being carried to the ring by Marta Grimes the Dirt Bag Kid!
Marta rolls dBk into the ring while Vicky shrugs her shoulders asking what’s going on? To which Marta just replies ‘you’re welcome honey’. Despite the fact that dBk is out Vicky Stone forces her opponent to stand and then hits STONED! (Stone Cold Stunner). She goes for the pin. 1…….2…..3!!!
Lissandra: I’m sure it wasn’t the debut she thought she was going to get for Vicky Stone but a win is a win!!!!
Dylan: True babe.
Lissandra: Well fans, we’re out of time! We’ll see you soon!!!
: Oh do pardon me, my tall friend.Not recognising the voice, Allton looks over at Tank who shrugs.
Allton: Who’s that?
Roxxie grimaces when she recognises the voice.
Roxxie: Ugh… it’s STAN.
Allton nods to Tank and dusts his hands and himself down while Tank gestures for Stan to enter.
Allton: Staniel…
Stan: Lord Allton… I - I’m sorry? ‘Staniel?’
Allton: Little throwback to American Dad, my friend.
Stan nods and then notices just how many are in the office - and takes particular interest in Roxxie and Lissandra.
Stan: My… my my….are we having a family gathering? Ladies.
Roxxie and Lissandra roll their eyes. Dylan Thomas is in the back by Lissandra keeping an eye on Stan.
Allton: Can I help you, dear boy? Or are you just going to continue walking on eggshells?
Stan continues to stare at Roxxie and Lissandra.
Allton: Stan?
Nothing.
Allton: Stan?
Allton waves to Marta Grimes who marches over, grabbing Stan by the arm. Tank holds the door open.
Stan: I - No, wait!
Marta then begins to drag Stan towards the door.
Stan: I actually wanted to say something.
Allton looks up from his desk. Marta pauses.
Allton: Proceed.
Stan: Miss Roxxie, what are you doing after the show?
Allton: Really?
Stan looks at Roxxie like a hopeful puppy dog.
Allton: Are you serious?
Allton looks around the room, Roxxie looks disgusted.
Allton: Is he serious?
Roxxie: I’m washing my hair.
Stan: Miss Thomas?
Lissandra: Oh Stan, that’s ‘Mrs’. I’m married.
Dylan: To me, bro.
Allton: Get him out of here, please…
Stan: Miss Grimes?
Marta: Oh hell no.
Marta grabs Stan by the neck from behind and moves him towards the door.
Stan: Miss Matsuda?
Allton: Goodbye Stan.
Stan is shoved out of the door and the office door slams shut.
Stan: Oh…fiddlesticks. I did actually mean to ask something.
Stan turns around to knock at the door again when the screen fades out.
=================================================================
The OCW titles run and Lissandra Thomas is in her usual spot at the commentary table. Her husband Dylan is once again joining her for his own brand of colour commentary.
Lissandra: It’s Equality time, once again folks! I’m Lissandra, being joined once again by my husband Dylan Thomas.
Dylan: Hey hey, A-List Fam!
Lissandra: What are you, Krusty the Klown?
Dylan: Haha… nah, babe. Just… quoting someone else.
Lissandra: Who?
Dylan: Someone who reads this, shit.
Lissandra: Watches. We’re on TV.
Dylan: Right.
Lissandra: Anyway, fans…what started out as three matches for tonight’s show - with new signee Vicky Stone leading the charge in our main event against the Dirt Bag Kid - has turned into four matches.
Dylan: Four?
Lissandra: Yep, four. Because friend of the A-List and Lord Allton, Mike Zybala has requested a match. A match vs anyone of Lord Allton’s choosing. Thus, it’s Mike Zybala one on one with Stan.
Dylan: Was that the guy from earlier tonight? Before the show?
Lissandra: It was.
Dylan: Hey, Mikey. I know you can hear me…..please SUPERKICK that fucker’s head off….
Lissandra: ….Anyway…. Later tonight, Roxxie faces Jade Spritz. I think there was some jealousy last week and Marcy gets her hands on Tony the Spider. I’m told that CJ O’ Donnell will also be in attendance somewhere tonight despite having the night off actually wrestling. And like I said, Vicky Stone makes her Equality debut later on tonight. Speaking of Vicky Stone, I believe we have a message from her backstage.
~Vicky Stone is seen backstage by a sink wearing her wrestling gear. She is busy washing her hands under warm water. Applying lots of hand soap. Almost too much hand soap to be honest. She finishes as her cell phone rings. She answers it.~
Vicky Stone: Go for Vicky... Samuel f'n Grey... How is my favorite talent agent doing tonight?
~Vicky listens and then proceeds to laughs out loud.~
Vicky Stone: ... what a story, Sam! I particularly enjoyed the part about when you mentioned 'you drove away drunk from the scene of the accident'. It's so true... so f'n true, man. ... Me? Oh I'm ready for my debut in the OCW ... let me finish... the OCW Equality show. Yeah... yea... yea... it's a downgrade a bit from what I am used to. But hey when life hands you a pile of blankets what do you do? ... Yep... that's right... Make a super awesome fort with them and some pillows...
~Vicky Stone begins walking down the hallway as she chats on the phone.~
Vicky Stone: But seriously, I am wrestling some guy named Dirt Bag Kid? He sounds really disgusting to be honest. He sounds like he went into a coma back in the year 2000 and just woke up in 2022 and refuses to adapt to modern times. ... Yeah. He's a loser. I'm not too worried about him. ... I got this... Huh? No... No I have not! I told you I kicked that sniffing gasoline and spray paint addiction months ago. I'm good. I'm much better now. What do you mean 'My Pee Fetish'? ... What? Where did you hear that? ... Bullshit! Anyway if you're going to talk stupid, I am going to say bye right now... Okay. BYE!
Vicky puts down her phone as she passes a janitor's closet with "DBK's LOCKER ROOM" written on duct tape. A large clear garbage bag is by the locker room door. Inside the garbage bag Vicky can be seen dozens of empty Monster Energy Drink bottles. She rolls her eyes. The muffled sounds of Uncle Kracker's song Whiskey and Water can be heard in the closet.
Vicky Stone: Wow. This guy is so gross and weird. What a loser...
Vicky laughs to herself shaking her head at the same time and keeps walking down the hallway. She stops when she sees a bunch of spray paint cans and dirty rags sitting on a tool case. She looks around nervously before quickly grabbing a arm full of spray paint cans and a damp rag before she rushes off screen.
Lissandra: Did she just call Equality a downgrade?
Dylan: I’m afraid so, baby.
Lissandra: She should have seen it before Lord Allton took over from Sugar Valentine. Nothing but glorified pornography!!!!! THAT would have been a downgrade! At least Allton has concentrated on the WRESTLING side of things.
Dylan: Easy, baby…
Lissandra breathes a heavy sigh.
Lissandra: You’re right. You’re right, I’m sorry… Hah…. as Allton would say, ‘on with the fucking show!’
Dylan: So tell me more about this glorified porn….?
Lissandra: Excuse me?
Dylan: I mean, I’m just curious, sweetie….
Lissandra: BELV! Kick things off, my friend!
Lissandra pauses, raising a hand up to Belvedere.
Lissandra: Hang on, Belv. We’ve got to head backstage, like right now.
—-------------------------
Backstage, we are back at Allton’s office with Stan being shoved out of the office again by Marta Grimes and Matsuda.
Marta: Listen you… I thought we told you to get your squirrelly ass out of here. ‘Sides your match is up next.
Stan: Y-yes, I’m quite aware but before I go, I really do wish to ask Lord Allton a question. Please. I must see him.
We hear Allton’s voice but we don’t see him yet.
Allton (from inside the office): All right. All right.
Allton comes to the door. Stan is trying to get into the office and Marta Grimes and Tank act as human brick walls stopping him from entering. Allton coughs from behind them. Immediately they stop and part like the red sea. Allton crosses his arms - very unimpressed right now given that he has already told Stan to leave - poor Staniel.
Allton: What? And this BETTER be good you moustached goof. You’re holding up MY show.
Stan: Yes. Yes. Well… Um… I have to ask.
Allton pulls out his phone to check the time. He is NOT impressed.
Allton: Yes?
Stan: Why am I in a match with Mike Zybala? I always wrestle the ladies.
Allton smirks.
Allton: You are wrestling Mike Zybala because I SAID you’re wrestling Mike Zybala! You understand?!
Stan nods.
Allton: Now… I suggest that you get out to the ring, before I am agitated further…
Stan: Er…uh…yes of course.
Allton: Tank. Make sure he gets to the ring would you?
Stan: So I can’t even have Miss Grimes escort me?
Marta: Ohhhh please! PLEASE LET ME….
Allton shakes his head. Tank begins to escort Stan away from the office.
Allton: Oh, by the way… Stan.
Tank and Stan stop and turn around.
Allton: You were nothing before you came to my show. You’ve had two matches. Granted yes against two of my girls but you do NOT and WILL not exclusively wrestle women on my show. At least not now we’re branching out. You wrestle who I tell you to. Now GET OUT THERE AND GET YOUR ARSE KICKED BY ZYBALA!!!!!!!!
Allton notices the camera as Tank and Stan walk away.
Allton: And you…. You get out of here too.
The office door slams shut and we fade.
—-------------------------------
Dylan: Rob uh, Lord Allton is piiiiiiiiiiiissssssssssed.
Lissandra: Yeah.
Dylan: You think we’re gonna see an emergence of PennyLord?
Lissandra: He’s clown free these days, baby. Pennywise is no longer in his head. And the PennyLord character is an OCW TV character for kids.
Dylan: He showed up on the island. Albeit with no makeup.
Lissandra: Well yeah, but that was because PennyLord and Soot Losem had issues. Anyway… Belv, I think we can finally get underway. Over to you…
Belvedere nods.
Belvedere: Ladies and Gentlemen, your opening contest is for one fall! Introducing first…. Stan!
I’m Too Sexy For My Shirt by Right Said Fred hits the speakers and out comes Stan the Ladies Man to absolutely no fanfare. The people couldn’t give a shit. Stan climbs into the ring and waits for his opponent. Conversely Gary Wright’s Dreamweaver hits!
Belvedere: And his opponent, from Buffalo, New York, weighing in at 196lbs… he is the former OCW Commissioner, the Owner of Outsiders Championship Wrestling, good friend of Equality General Manager Lord Allton and honourary member of the A-List Family at the behest of Dylan Thomas, Lissandra Thomas and Lord Allton…..he is, Mike Zybala!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The crowd goes nuts for Zybala who SUPERKICK’S open the curtain. Zybala makes his way down the ramp, once again milking his Equality entrance with high fives aplenty all around. He looks up at Stan in the ring when he reaches it and politely smiles at him. Stan meanwhile still looks as though he is going to piss himself. Zybala climbs into the ring and the people cheer again. Scruff rings the bell as we get underway,
Lissandra: The two combatants walking to the centre of the ring here….
Dylan: ‘Combatants’ babe? Really? There’s only one combatant in this match, baby and it sure as shit ain’t Stan.
Lissandra: I mean, yeah, alright… Oh my! What a SUPERKICK!
Scruff slides in.
Scruff: 1……2……3!!!
Belvedere: Here is your winner: Mike…Zyb-
Suddenly Kings Never Die by Eminem hits and CJ O’Donnell slowly walks out onto stage keeping his eyes on Zybala. There is no confident swagger this time from CJ. His walk is slow and deliberate. He stares Zybala down and Zybala returns the favour, smirking at CJ saying ‘See you at Massacre, ‘partner!’’ The Distinguished One however does not smirk. He does not smile. He doesn’t even talk. CJ simply stares Zybala down as we head for a break.
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Lissandra: Welcome back fans. Before the break and after Mike Zybala’s match with Stan….we had an appearance by CJ O’Donnell. He didn’t speak but rather stared down his own partner for next week on Massacre. But as per usual, Zybala took it all in his usual jovial stride.
Dylan: That he did. I think his match at Big Game Hunting with TLS perhaps has the makings to potentially steal the show. WERE IT NOT FOR THE FACT THAT I’M FACING OFF against Owl Is Night herself Alice Knight. #HOOT.
Lissandra: You two certainly do have the opportunity and the skill sets to steal the show, babe.
Dylan looks off into the crowd.
Dylan: Hey, look at that sign.
Out in the crowd there is a sign that reads ‘A-List. Best. Dylan. God.’
Dylan: Well isn’t that nice, honey? I don’t know if I’m a wrestling God as such but…. Thanks anyway, fans! The A-List loves our fans too! Right, Lissie?
Lissandra: We most certainly do! Coming up next fans, it’s Marcy vs Tony the Spider. And it’s next after this break!
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Belvedere clears his throat.
Belvedere: Introducing first, already in the ring because Rob can’t find his bio…….Tony The Spider!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Lissandra: Uh…what?
Dylan: I’m sure someone will know what that means……
Bad Girls by MIA hits.
Belvedere: And his opponent, from St. Paul Minnesota, weighing in tonight at 150lbs, The! Head! Mistress!!!!!!!!!
Marcy comes out on stage smirking to the fans.
Lissandra: Unfortunately, tonight is Marcy’s final night for three weeks.
Dylan: Yes, because Allton can’t say no to a pretty face.
Lissandra: Well…. I was going to say that it’s because it’s her birthday coming up and she requested the time off last week but…
Dylan: But you can’t deny that I’m right, can you?
Lissandra: Not this time.
Dylan: Haha.
The fans cheer for The Head Mistress as she saunters down to the ring. She high fives some lucky fans along the way. Just before entering the ring she notices a sign being held by a guy in a Gilbert mask that reads ‘Marcy! It’s my birthday!! Kiss me!’
Dylan: A Gilbert mask?
Lissandra: A Gilbert mask.
Dylan: That little weirdo is that popular?
Lissandra: Popular enough to warrant a mask, you mean?
Dylan: ….Sure, yeah. I mean no, but out of Political Correctness sure.
Marcy leans in and kisses the guy on the cheek before saying ‘Happy Birthday!’ and ‘Nice Mask’. She then looks into the camera and mouths the words ‘I’m coming for you, Gilly….’ with a wink and then climbs into the ring suddenly becoming very serious, staring at Tony. Scruff rings the bell.
THM: You screwed me out of the OOC title!
Tony: Hahahahahahahahahaha!!!
THM: Is that all you do? Laugh?
Tony: Hahahaha!
The Head Mistress sighs and grabs Tony by the hair. She then hits The Real Hummer!!! Scruff counts the three!!
Lissandra: Marcy with some measure of revenge against Tony the Spider there.
Dylan: After facing Alexandra Calaway on Massacre and Marcy tonight, Tony doesn’t look so good babe.
Lissandra: He does not.
Tony the Spider is still in the ring flat out as medical personnel and referees surround him.
Lissandra: Fans, we shall be back after this break, when Roxxie G goes one on one with Jade Spritz! It’ll be a hell of a match. And it’s next!
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After we come back Tuff N’ Nuff and the Viagra Boys are in Jade Spritz’s locker room as well as Carmen. Jade is looking in the mirror getting ready for her match and Carmen is talking to her.
Carmen: I can’t believe Gobbler challenged you to this match Jade. All because you went to talk to Lord Allton. What, can only she do that now?
Jade smiles, as she applies lipstick but she doesn’t say a word. A few minutes go by and she stands up, ready to go.
Spritz: How do I look?
Tuff N’ Nuff: Phenomenal Miss Spritz.
Viagra Boys: Yeah. Really good.
Spritz: I WASN’T ASKING YOU ASSHOLES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Carmen! How do I look?
Carmen: As beautiful as ever, Jade.
??: I think you look fooking shocking!Suddenly the locker room door flies open and CJ O’Donnell is there with a smirk (and a chair)!
Spritz: Get him you fools!
Tuff N’ Nuff and the Viagra Boys fly at CJ but he knocks every single one of them out. In the chaos Jade and Carmen escape while CJ continues beating the shit out of Tuff N’ Nuff and the Viagra Boys. Back at ringside………
Belvedere: Being accompanied to the ring by Carmen, Jade Spritz!
The crowd boos as Carmen and Spritz make their way to the ring. Their noses are in the air and they don’t give a crap.
Belvedere: And her opponent, one of the original pillars of the Equality brand, she is Roxxie! Gobbler!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The crowd pops hard for their beloved Roxxie. But there is no skating to the ring for her tonight. No, Roxxie instead flies out from behind the curtain, sprints down the ramp and tackles Spritz to the ground!
Dylan: Woah!
Lissandra: Roxxie is mad!
She then hammers Spritz with multiple punches until Carmen gets involved, grabbing Roxxie by the head. Spritz then stands, checking her nose and both she and Carmen hit Roxxie with a double DDT! Carmen then exits the ring and Scruff finally rings the bell! Roxxie however simply shrugs off the double DDT and lets out a primal scream!
Lissandra: Uh…oh…Roxxie with the Eat My Roxx!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dylan: The what?!
Lissandra: Eat My Roxx. It’s what she calls that double handed chokebomb!
Dylan: Hilarious!
Without hesitation, Roxxie locks a sleeperhold onto Jade and drags her to the floor!
Dylan: Holy shit! The BarrySlayer! Allton’s BarrySlayer!
Lissandra: Yes indeed. Roxxie has taken to using that quite a bit recently!
Jade spends no wasted time and immediately falls victim to the sleeper hold!
Lissandra: Roxxie Gobbler wins yet again! Fans we have to take our final break but we’ll be back after this!
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Once again we cut backstage to where the Dirt Bag Kid is outside Lord Allton’s office practising with his nunchucks again. One of the nunchucks slams against the door and Marta Grimes opens the door with an angry look on her face.
dBk: Woah! Shocking!
Marta: Excuse me?
dBk: Your face. It’s shocking.
Marta: Oh that’s it you little jackass….
Marta Grimes without warning grabs dBk by the head and slams it into the wall! Lord Allton emerges from the office.
Allton: Miss Grimes! What the hell are you doing?!
Marta: A public service.
Allton: We have Vicky Stone for that…..
Marta: Yeah, I know.
Allton sighs.
Allton: Alright, carry him to the ring, I suppose.
Vicky Stone, while all of this has been going on has already made her way to the ring to a warm welcoming reception.
Belvedere: And her opponent…..er being carried to the ring by Marta Grimes the Dirt Bag Kid!
Marta rolls dBk into the ring while Vicky shrugs her shoulders asking what’s going on? To which Marta just replies ‘you’re welcome honey’. Despite the fact that dBk is out Vicky Stone forces her opponent to stand and then hits STONED! (Stone Cold Stunner). She goes for the pin. 1…….2…..3!!!
Lissandra: I’m sure it wasn’t the debut she thought she was going to get for Vicky Stone but a win is a win!!!!
Dylan: True babe.
Lissandra: Well fans, we’re out of time! We’ll see you soon!!!