Post by Curt Canon on Jan 23, 2022 22:16:47 GMT -5
The Thursday before Access Denied. The Vorex farm.
”We did it, I can’t believe we did it.”
”I can’t believe that took us two weeks.”
~The pair are standing in front of the old run down shed. Now converted into a small hopefully functioning church. They have beers in their hands and smiles across their faces, Curts is bigger. (That's what she said.)
”Well if you didn’t have to go tend to choring so much it would have been done quicker.
”Me, you went through a case of beer every two days.”
”You helped!”
”Choring makes me thirsty.”
”Well building and fixing makes me thirsty.”
”As it should. Should we turn the sign on?’
”We absofreakinlutely.”
Curt runs over to the switch on the side of the building. He tightly grips the handle and without hesitation flips it up. The lights slowly flicker on. The church becomes bathed in a hue of blue. Curt lets go of the switch and runs back to stand next to James. They simultaneously look up at the newly constructed sign. It reads:~
Checkers Church of Canonical Calamities *Free Beer*[/i
” I’m not really sure what the name means,”
”Me neither, but it sounds cool.”
” I mean if anything, they will definitely come for the free beer.”
”That’s the hook, then I just have to reel them in. We should go get some rest, big day tomorrow.”
”Yeah for you, I don’t have to reel anyone in. I just get to sit back and watch the chaos.”
”Chaos you say, in a church. Interesting concept. We will see how it plays out.”
”Your so called sermon can cause it.”/[font[
”SHIT! I forgot I had to write that.”
”How do you forget the most important part of churching?”
”I thought praying was the most important part of churching.”
”That is like third.”
”Well if the sermon is first, and praying is third then what is second?”
”Singing.”
”We have to sing, no one told me we have to sing. I’m not singing.”
”Good, no one should have to go through that torture.”
”Yeah and you are a real fucking Pavarotti. Let’s go, I got shit to do.”
”Choring?”
”No, sermoning.’
~Curt turns and heads back toward the main farmhouse. James grabs the cooler of beer that wasn’t mentioned until now and follows him. When they reach the house, Curt grabs a blue crayon and a blank piece of paper and starts to scribble down some kind of sermon. James shakes his head and heads up to bed.~
The next morning, The first day of church.
~Curt comes running down the stairs.~
”James! James! I did it, I wrote the best sermon ever.”
”I highly doubt that, let me read it.”
” I shalln’t. You can wait and hear it with everyone else.”
” What if there isn’t an anyone else?”
”Get those blasphemous thoughts out of your head right now. Of course there will be anyone elses…..the sign says free beer.”
” You’re right, how silly of me. I won’t let it happen again.”
”God because if you did I would decongregate you.”
”I don’t think that is a real word.”
”Well it better be I used it in my sermon.”
”Of course you did. Thank god there will be free beer. When does this damn thing start anyway?”
” Kind of like noonish on the dot.”
”What does that even mean?”
”It means like noonish James. How did you ever accomplish anything in life, can’t even tell time.”[/font[
”Ahh yes time, what a tricky little fucker.”
” Speaking of, I’m running out of it. I’m going to head down to the church and start setting up.”
” Its 8 am, you have 4 hoursish.”
”Yeah well you can’t rush greatness.”
”~With that Curt leaves the house, and makes his way to the church. His pace is as swift as a cheetah running away from a gaggle of meerkats. He makes it there in record time and heads straight to the back room so he can prepare himself for the services. There is much to do. He must prepare the body and blood of Checkers. He has to make sure his robes are clean and wrinkle free.~
Two and half hours left…
~Curt emerges from the backroom. He now has to make sure the pews are straight and clean. Churching is hard. He makes his way down the middle of the aisle, a duster in each hand. His steps are slow: hiis dusting is precise. The pews are cleaned within seconds. (It’s a small church.) He stops at the entrance. He notices the empty water pedestal.~
”Shit! Just another thing to do….”
~In his head he calculates how far the well is. Can he make it there and back in time? He has no choice. For what is a Church without holy water at the entrance so you can cleanse your sins away.~
One hour left…
~He makes it back to the church. Water bucket in hand. He lifts the bucket and gently pours it into the water pedestal. He puts the bucket down, and raises right hand. He makes the sign of the cross.~
”In Nomine Patris, et Fili, et Spiritus Sancti.”
~ He finishes the prayer. The water is now blessed. Becoming an ordained minister has given him powers he never thought existed. He looks around the church. Everything seems to be in order. Robes are ironed, blood and bread are made. The pews are clean and the holy water is filled. He nods in approval. James walks in.~
”Hey buddy. It’s almost time, are you ready?”
”I have never been more ready for anything in my life.”
”So you are more ready for this than you are for your match against Vargas on Sunday?”
”What?!?!? No, yes…I mean, I don’t know. Do I even have to be ready for a match against Vargas? He's pushing 50. He's been retired way longer than me and thinks he can still draw? “
”I mean, he can still draw. He is kind of a big deal.”
”Oh yeah sure, if you are also a misogynistic, racist, woman hating piece of trailer park garbage…I mean I guess that's a draw to you.”
”Curt, have you seen the OCW fanbase? 95% of them are misogynistic, racist women hating trailer park pieces of trash.”
”Fuck…He is a draw. Am I the bad guy? Do they not like me? Why does Chad get all the love? I should have stayed retired.”
”You probably should have. Focus on this church, become the next Joel Osteen.”
” Does he heal people? Can I heal people? Does $14.99 online give me healing powers? They gave me blessing powers…….*He points to the water*.”See that water, BOOM! Holy.”
”Yeah, I don’t think he actually heals people.’
”But what if he does? James, what if he does heal people? I want to heal people. I have been hurting people my whole life.”
” Ha! You think you have been hurting people? Oh buddy, you should really look back on your past 6 years in the business. The only one that was hurting was you.”
”Was I hurting, or was I healing?”
”I mean, at one point you were definitely heeling.”
”You know what I mean. Just follow me on this. What if everything that has happened the past few years was helping me heal. Not only finding Checkers, but having him die and everything in between. What if he was supposed to come here and die to help me heal? To help me get back to the top and once again fulfill my potential. It is all making sense James. Everything is coming full circle.”
” I mean that is one way to look at it.”
”That is the only way to look at it. Everything has led me to this point. I am ready James.”
” You better be, people may start showing up in 10 minutes.”
”Fuck! Are you serious?!?! Alright I have to go get ready. Just do something productive.”
~Curt storms to the back to prepare for his first service. He is nervous as he puts his robes on. He realizes that he has been in front of crowds and people his whole life, but for some reason this is different. He takes a deep breath and closes his eyes. He slowly opens them and looks at himself in the mirror. In that moment all the confidence he ever lost comes rushing back. He is ready, not just for the service but for whatever challenge awaits him. He is ready to reclaim his spot in OCW and ready to take on the world.~
Showtime.
~He opens the doorx emerging from the backroom. His blue and blackrobes gleam in the sunlight radiating from the one window above the entrance of the building. It is a stained glass picture of checkers. Curt walks to the altar. He looks up at the window and smiles. He turns his gaze to the crowd. The Church is full, however it isn’t exactly what he expected. His eyes dart throughout the church, all he can see is men with camo hats and women in shirts too tight for their bodies. He takes another deep breath before he starts to speak.~
”Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to praise our lord and savior Checkers. In life he helped through my most complicated times, in death he is helping me reach my true potential. He is not only helping me through, he is helping all of you…through me. You all may be sitting here asking yourselves how an Emperor Tamarin can help you in death, and I am here to answer that question. You see, for a couple years I was lost. I was lost in my mind, lost in my life. I had no direction. I found myself in the Amazon, fighting amongst other OCW alumni to gain a shot at the title. A shot at a title I didn’t want, I didn’t need. With Checkers I was filled with so much joy, so much pride. I needed nothing. Sure I was there wrestling, I was in the moment, but I didn’t want it. I had everything. Now…Now though, I am empty. I am filled with a void that I thought could never be filled.”
”But where’s the free beer?!?!”
~ Curt scans the room trying to pinpoint where the voice is coming from. He focuses on a guy in the back. Nods his head and begins to speak again.~
”Brother in the back, you need the beer? Do you want beer?
I want the beer, that's why I'm here. Sign said ``free beer.”
” You want the beer? Brother we will give you the beer. I am not ready for that part of the service, but if you want the beer, if everybody wants the beer then stand up and line up.”
~The crowd obliges and forms a single file line down the aisle~
~ One by one the clergy starts to walk up to Curt. He hands them the body of Checkers and motions them over to the left where James is standing with a goblet. The patrons eat the body and drink the blood.. They make their way back to the seats. Once everyone is seated Curt speaks again.”
Now that you have received the sacraments of our savior,I must confess that is not what it seems.
~Curt points to the stained glass window, everyone looks up. The church becomes silent.~
”This is why I am here, this is why you all are here. In walking up you just ate his body and drank his blood. You see our savior wasn’t completely burned, he wasn't completely put to waste. The food you ate was part of his body, the beer you drank was his blood mixed with high life, pineapple vodka and ketchup.”
~ Most of the crowd begins to gag and vomit.Curt gives no mind to it.~
”You all sit here and you are vomiting, you are puking. You are spewing out your demons and our sins.The body and blood of Checkers will make you whole again. It will make all of you feel alive again. That is exactly what happened to me. I have never felt more alive. Checkers dying, our savior dying has flooded me with such life. It has filled me with such meaning. I finally understand what I have to do. I know what my life needs to be. I don’t face Chad Vargas for myself, I face him for everyone sitting here today. Beating him is not just a win for me itis a win for every single one of you. Everything I do now if for you, every move I make is for you. This match against Vargas is not just a win for me. It is a win for everyone in this building. I don't want to beat Vargas, I need to beat Vargas. If I don’t then this church is dead, then all I have worked for is dead. Brethren, it is not a slight on him. I respect him, I see him. We did not come this far by luck. We proved our worth, but now it is time for me to prove that i am better than him. We are gathered here for one reason.[”font]
”FREE BEER!
”We are gathered here for two reasons. Free beer, and Checkers memory. We are here to praise the gft Checkers gave us in death. And that gift is the will to live, the will to fight, the will to keep on going when you think you can not go anymore. Brothers and sisters, this is our time to stand up and speak up. We are here, and we are taking the OCW by storm. They won't know the effects of the destruction until it is too late. “
~ The service ended hours ago. Curt once again emerges from the back and stares at the empty pews. He reflects on his thoughts and nods his head in approval. He is at peace. His thoughts are calm. He is ready to face Vargas in the emperor's gambit. Win or lose, he is just glad he can honor checkers life.~
The screen fades…
