[ Book of Round II ] | 001. Redacted Sept 28, 2021 20:44:29 GMT -5
Post by Graham Clauson on Sept 28, 2021 20:44:29 GMT -5
Press Play to Begin[ As the video begins to play, we see a distinct, lime-green line. A click can be heard, the line reacting to the audio. One of the voices has clearly been distorted to prevent identification of the party. ]
[ Voice 1 ]: What was the last thing you remember before you woke up in the hospital?
[ Voice 2 ]: Walking into the living room to smoke another bowl. Don’t remember making it there, though...
[ At a point, the audio line completely dies out as if the audio was intentionally scrubbed... ]
[ Voice 1 ]: Why did you want to smoke?
[ Voice 2 ]: Well, I was thinking about going to bed, that usually helps.
[ Voice 1 ]: How often do you smoke marijuana?
[ Voice 2 ]: Daily, at least twice a day, total amount varies…
[ Voice 1 ]: Give me an estimate, if you would.
[ Voice 2 ]: How do you want the estimate so I can give you the exact measurement you want, so you’ll quit asking me the same question repeatedly and not waste either of our time.
[ Voice 1 ]: A gram a day? Two grams?
[ Voice 2 ]: About two - again, depends on the day. Take it or leave it, that’s the best you’ll get on estimate.
[ Voice 1 ]: Do you drink, or take any other recreational drugs?
[ Voice 2 ]: I drink occasionally, but not a case of heavy drinking if you’re thinking I’m some form of alcoholic. Maybe, once or twice a week...couple shots or a few glasses of wine would be the equivalent? A bit more heavy socially, but depends on the company and if it’s in public or not. Drugs...no, nothing other than pot recreationally, anything else is Rx and used accordingly.
[ Voice 1 ]: When you came into the emergency room, your pulse was 22. Your blood pressure was 98 over 45. You were given four doses of naloxone and gastric suction. In your stomach we found evidence that you drank alcohol, and almost two dozen undigested hydrocodone…
[ Voice 2 ]: Oh? That’s news to me.
[ A click heard, the first initial voice sounding much more clear. ]
[ Voice 1(b) ]: Pause for notation: Patient diverted eye contact completely; clear intention to deceive or conceal something. Intent for this is unknown, this is just an exit interview…
[ The click is heard again, audio reverting back to the audio quality provided at the start of the playback. ]
[ Voice 1 ]: You don’t remember drinking?
[ Voice 2 ]: Oh, no, I remember drinking… I think I drank a lot, actually…
[ Voice 1 ]: Do you remember taking the pills at any point?
[ Voice 2 ]: Uh, no…not really?
[ CLICK. ]
[ Voice 1(b) ]: Pause for notation: Clear hesitation displayed, but clearly hesitation was enough to reflect intent to deceive.
[ CLICK. ]
[ Voice 1 ]: Mr. Clauson, do you feel safe at home?
[ Voice 2 ]: Ha ha... That’s a funny question, and I bet it’s on every form. If you think that my husband beats me, you must really believe the shit I sell for a living…
[ Voice 1 ]: Please answer the question… You came to us on the brink of death, and we’re not going to send you back into danger if that danger exists within your own home.
[ Voice 2 ]: I feel perfectly fine at home. There is no safety concern from anyone or anything within it that puts me at unease. It’s all of you poking at me that I’m not liking...
[ Voice 1 ]: So, Mr. Felder didn’t force you to take almost a full-month’s supply of painkillers?
[ Voice 2 ]: No! By God, no... He may fight people for a living, but he’s not a violent person by nature. The only thing he’s ever raised at me is his voice in an argument, nothing more.
[ Voice 1 ]: So, the painkillers… Were they prescribed to you?
[ Voice 2 ]: ...yeah, those were mine.
[ Voice 1 ]: What for?
[ Voice 2 ]: I have had a nagging knee injury that wasn’t anything that needed surgery, but would cause me to have some intense pain. No matter what really was done, it got to the point of where this was the only thing the doc thought that would help.
[ Voice 1 ]: How often do you need to take them, and how many?
[ Voice 2 ]: One as needed, no more than that every eight hours, no more than two daily. And before you ask, no, I don’t double-up plus.
[ Voice 1 ]: There had to be a reason you drank as much as you did and took as many pills as you did.
[ Voice 2 ]: Well, there must have been, but clearly neither of us know how it happened at this point. I know I was drinking, but I don’t recall drinking as much as you claim or taking that many damn pills. I’m stupid at times, but I’m not that stupid.
[ Voice 1 ]: Do you remember writing any kind of note that night?
[ Voice 2 ]: A note…? Such as...like, get milk in the AM? No, I don’t specifically recall writing anything down of importance.
[ Voice 1 ]: How would you describe your home life?
[ Voice 2 ]: Um...well, I guess what you would expect of two people of athletic nature would be, with the exception of one of us being a little less judgmental about things that are classified as a vice. We don’t do anything too crazy except maybe have friends or family over when we’re not out working out or at work… I wouldn’t say there really are any specific hobbies since we’ve been more busy than usual with home reno...
[ Voice 1 ]: How often are you out for work? What do you both do?
[ Voice 2 ]: Well, up until last week, I was employed as a professional wrestler and would be out of town at least once a week for a few days including travel… As for Ken, he actually is a mixed martial arts fighter. We’re both around large groups of people often, so…when we’re home, we’re pretty much keeping to ourselves and our annoying four-legged children.
[ Voice 1 ]: Is there a lot of pressure on you, would you say?
[ Voice 2 ]: Depends on what you would consider pressure in the context you’re asking for.
[ Voice 1 ]: Well... Have you made good money? Have you been successful? Any trouble in your relationship? I would imagine that being a famous couple, especially a same-sex couple, would be hard on both of you.
[ Voice 2 ]: Money isn’t really an issue for us, Ken’s earnings are public and he’s made six figures in the last year. I’ve been on TV for years, having a camera in my face is nothing new, and half of the time I’m pointing it at myself as part of the job. He knows that he’s effectively prize-fighting, so that’s definitely seen by a lot of eyes. People are savages, we know this.
[ Voice 1 ]: So do you like your job?
[ Voice 2 ]: Um...I guess so…? I can’t say that I know anything else.
[ Voice 1 ]: Why have you done it for so long, if you don't enjoy it? If I didn't like my job here-
[ Voice 2 ]: I didn’t say I don’t enjoy it. I said I can’t say that I know anything else, so the fact that I keep doing it must mean I like it to some degree…
[ Voice 1 ]: If you could do anything else besides wrestling, what would it be?
[ Voice 2 ]: Um...well, I honestly don’t know…
[ Voice 1 ]: It could be anything you wanted, anything at all.
[ Voice 2 ]: Never put a terrible amount of serious thought into it, let alone while being put on the spot - standard for you pencil-pushers. But I’d probably end up letting my nerd side come out and become a fat blob behind an IT desk…
[ CLICK. ]
[ Voice 1(b) ]: Pause for notation: Patient is clearly being sarcastic, possibly edging towards verbally combative…
[ CLICK. ]
[ Voice 1 ]: Why do I sense sarcasm, Mr. Clauson?
[ Voice 2 ]: Because that was sarcasm, sweetheart. Ha, I like you…
[ CLICK. ]
[ Voice 1(b) ]: Pause for notation: As exhibited in previous interviews, this patient tends to get annoyed and begins to speak with condescension.
[ CLICK. ]
[ Voice 2 ]: But if you want a serious answer… A stand-up comic, a musician, an artist...something with a bit more freedom. People always seem to find my odd takes on situations to be funny, but laughter only gets you so far before it gets stale.
[ Voice 1 ]: You weren't ever able to find a way to do that in the job you have now?
[ Voice 2 ]: It can come with the territory, but that’s not what gets me promoted if you get my drift. Again, laughter only gets you so far before it gets stale.
[ Voice 1 ]: So would you say you have to be good at your job, knowing that?
[ Voice 2 ]: ...was that a read?
[ Voice 1 ]: Mr. Clauson, we know about the note.
[ The sounds of paper rustling are heard, the audio line faintly reacting. ]
[ Voice 1 ]: This is your handwriting, isn't it?
[ Voice 2 ]: ...shit, the jig is up. Sour Boy fucked me again.
[ Voice 1 ]: I'm sorry?
[ Voice 2 ]: Sorry - it’s a joke, certain alcohol causes me to pucker up when I drink a lot for some reason and they call me Sour Boy as an alter ego when drunk. Some other bastard from Cinci stole it from me. Story of my life… Fuckin’ Chad Allegra…
[ CLICK. ]
[ Voice 1(b) ]: Pause for notation: Unsure of the patient’s need to mention this Chad Allegra person, possible attempt to side-step the gravity of the matter.
[ CLICK. ]
[ Voice 1 ]: Mr. Clauson, what you did was no laughing matter. And until we feel that you won't do something like this again, we can't let you leave.
[ Voice 2 ]: Everyone else is dying for me to leave, but you’re wanting me to stay. Isn’t a hospital supposed to get the patient back enough to send them back out the door so you can charge my insurance six-figures? I’m alive, and clearly I failed at the attempt, so why bother trying again just to deal with your ass again? Shit...if you can’t die right…
[ Voice 1 ]: Look… You’ve been here for a week now. I’m getting tired of this, and I think everyone here knows you’re clearly tired of it. You’re lucid enough in your own thoughts that you know you did what you did. We just want you to admit it.
[ Voice 2 ]: Aww… You’re getting tired of me? I was starting to feel at home!
[ Voice 1 ]: No offense meant, but just cut the crap and let’s just get to brass tacks. Your snark aside, you made a bad decision when you were feeling like you were at your lowest, and you ended up here. I can tell that. We all can tell that. I don’t feel as if there will be a repeat, but you need to admit to yourself that this happened. Otherwise, you’re still in danger of a repeat occurrence. And you and I both know this, so just please quit dragging this out for your own good.
[ CLICK. ]
[ Voice 1(b) ]: Pause for notation: After this statement, the patient chose not to immediately respond. Some additional silence in audio will proceed after this. At this point, the patient either needed this further prodding, or truly wasn’t ready for release and is avoiding admitting still willing to harm themselves.
[ CLICK. About ten seconds of silence passes... ]
[ Voice 1 ]: So…? What are we doing? You’re responsible for yourself, so you need to take this opportunity and make sure we don’t end up having this same conversation again at any length of time in-between. We’re both starting to sound like a skipping CD. You clearly didn’t want to enter this cycle, so let’s just end it before it restarts.
[ Audible sigh, clearing of throat. ]
[ Voice 2 ]: Fine. Yeah, sure...I actually wanted to die.
[ CLICK. ]
[ Voice 1(b) ]: Pause for notation: Patient looked away at this point, appearing to be trying to hold back an emotional outburst as silently as possible.
[ CLICK. ]
[ Voice 2 ]: I went to college, I took Psych 101. We both know the mind likes to go into dark places...and mine… Well, it decided it was time to hang out in the dark corner and wither. With everything that was staring back at me, telling me that I would never be good enough, that I would never amount to anything… I may have had the people around me, yeah, but...when you’re the one who they depend on, and I just kept feeling like all I was doing was letting them down...over and over…
I couldn’t get over the thought that ending it was a better option, so… Well, I gave it the ol’ college try. Clearly, it wasn’t my time, and I’m still stuck on this floating piece of round shit. Do I still feel like a worthless piece of trash who’s going to walk out of here, get served divorce papers for the second time and be abandoned by everyone around him because he took a quote-unquote coward’s way out the moment he walks into his home? Yeah. Death may have been an advantageous way to have just let everyone down quickly and never to happen again without having to face the backlash…
I’m used to backlash, though... I think I’d rather let fate decide to take me out instead of myself after this. If this were a vacation, this was the worst one I’ve ever been on. And I mean that with the most amount of love possible.
There. Was that what you needed to hear, or was that not convincing enough?
[ Voice 1 ]: Again, ignoring your clear need to be snide in your responses, I believe you. All right, Mr. Clauson. I think that you're ready for discharge. Please remember that you're responsible for scheduling a treatment plan with a therapist moving forward. Hopefully, we won't see each other again.
[ Voice 2 ]: Trust me, we won’t.
[ CLICK. ]