Haiming For Success: The Outsider Cori Haim Documentary

[Adi Gold]

HAIMING FOR SUCCESS

THE OUTSIDER CORI HAIM DOCUMENTARY 

Cori Haim
I always wanted to be a pro wrestler. My entire life. When I was a young girl, around 10, my mom would call me such a tom boy loser idiot because I would prance around in bicycle shorts and a tank top with my card board belt and a ring made of skipping ropes. I would shout "LOOK MA! I'M SCOTT SYREN! OCW CHAMPION OF THE WORLD!" As i pretended to inject needles in my arm. Or I would cover myself in chocolate pudding and pretend I was OCW legend, Dean. The black face look never went over well with the other kids parents... but I knew I would be in OCW one day...



We see Cori Haim sitting in a chair talking into the camera.

Cori Haim
But I knew I had to work extra harder to get there. Because when I was 18 I went to wrestling school... and I lost my arm...



We see a shot of Joey Jeremiah talking into the camera.

Joey Jeremiah - High School Friend
Cori was OBSESSED with becoming a wrestler... like seriously addicted. She would do constant impressions of her favorite OCW stars. Even at job interviews... it's unfortunate what happened to her. Losing her arm and everything.


Director(Off Camera)
How did she lose her arm?


Joey Jeremiah
There were stories that she lost it due to a shark attack. But she was afraid of water. And the story about her having diabetes is farfetched too. She always was a healthy eater... and the knife story is just way to weird...



We see different shots of Cori Haim working out in a gym. Trying to eat spaghetti with one hand. Even a shot of her on the toilet with her only good hand in a cast... as she depressingly stares at a roll of toilet paper...



In her early 20's Cori Haim signed with OCW... Outsider Championship Wrestling's backyard wrestling company. She never amounted to anything...



But tt was in the summer of 2020 where Dr. Joe Greybeard of Robotic Engineers created a solution for the deformed gross one armed beauty...


"I am Dr. Joe Greybeard. I make robot hands..."


We see Dr. Greybeard talking into the camera.



Dr. Greybeard
Let's start by me saying I didn't always have a greybeard. The name is just ironic that in my current situation and age I actually have a greybeard, but if you look at this photo of her from only 4 years ago... no beard. Looking good, huh?

He smiles.



Director (off camera)
And what about Cori's robot hand?



Dr. Greybeard
No, her arm also doesn't have a grey or any other colored beard.



Using nano technology, Dr. Greybeard and his team of non-bearded Chinese scientist spent the summer of 2020 building Cori her arm. But this wasn't without error. First the fingers never moved. It was just as useless as her stump. They built her a 'hand' that consisted of a can opener and butter knife. It couldn't open a can or even butter the biggest slice of toast. But finally Christmas a miracle happen. Even bigger than Santa Claus and Jesus Christ combined. Dr. Greybeard built an arm that could not only make Cori Haim grapple and perform hip tosses in the ring. But it could also open cans and butter toast.



Cori Haim (in tears)
It happened... I had an arm again. I had a hand again. It was a miracle bigger than Jesus and Santa combined and...


Director(off camera)
Ya we just said that...

Cori Haim
Oh... k...

Dr. Greybeard
We did it. I don't want to just thank only myself and my beard. But the team of Chinese Scientist, Dr. Woo. Dr. Wang. Dr. Woo Wang and of course Dr. Hu.


Director (off camera)
Doctor who?


Dr. Greybeard
Yep. Dr. Hu...


Director (off camera)
Which Doctor? Who is it?


Dr. Greybeard
Yes... Hu. Hu is the doctor...


Director (off camera)
Yah, who is it?


Dr. Greybeard
Exactly...



THREE HOURS LATER

Director (off camera)
OOOOH. HER NAME , 'THE DOCTOR', IS, 'HU'...


Dr. Greybeard (scratching his beard)
....Who is?


Cori Haim is meeting with Outsiders owner, Mike Zybala, as of this week (July 2021) for a possible return... but the question was still on my mind. How did Cori Haim lose her arm?



Joesph Joerson (possible fakename)
Yeah, I remember we both worked at the pickle factory. And I got fired for putting my dick in the pickle slicer...


Director(off camera)
What did they do with the pickle slicer?


Joey Joerson
Oh... they fired her too. Cori. She didn't last long...



Director (Off camera)
How does this have anything to do with Cori losing her arm?



Joey Joerson
It doesn't... just a fact!



We see Cori crushing pickles with her robot hand.



Director (off camera)
Cori... I have to ask... how did you lose your arm and hand?


Cori Haim
well it's a long story..........





TO BE CONTINUED...





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CONTINUED!!!

Cori Haim
... playing with fire crackers on Fourth of July when i was a teen... Boom! Gone... guess it's a short story...



Director (off camera)
Oh... right. Gross...



Fin...