Post by John E Depth on Jul 2, 2021 1:27:39 GMT -5
Directing porn is HARD work. A real GRIND. You’ve really gotta THRUST it if you wanna get one in the CAN.
Luckily, John E Depth is a master at shooting his shot.
He scores more often than LeBron James if he were to suit up for a WNBA game.
But this isn’t about John E Depth. No, that’d be too easy. Slapping a few naked people together and making magic...where’s the drama in that?
Nope, this is about legendary porn director – The Mighty Bush.
This man creates ART. Not JUST porn. But ARTFUL porn.
Which is, like, way more difficult and stuff.
So, let’s dive in and check out THE MIGHTY BUSH as he creates PORN-ART on this episode of IN THE CAN.
Bleepbloopbleep
The Mighty Bush walks right past us. We know it’s him because of the magnificent mane comprised of pine needles and straw that surrounds his head. The debris acting as his mane bounces around with each step.
We’re inside Studio Slurpy-Slurp. It ain’t much. But it gets the job done.
A female worker is having her crotch looked at. Trimmed. Something. I’m not entirely sure what the fuck they go through before filming their scenes. You think I watch ‘BEHIND THE SCENES’ videos about Porn? I’m not some kinda fuckin psycho.
Then again, I’m writing one so...ah, who cares.
She’s getting ‘did up’ for her artsy scene. Her attire is a very classy, super tight denim skirt, frayed at the bottom so we can get a nice, artful glance of her tan ass hanging out the back. An elegant tattoo of a rose vine with skulls instead of roses wraps its way around her thigh. Her freakishly huge mammaries leak out of a patterned, button-up shirt, twist-tied right beneath her cleavage. Her hair is, whatever. Nobody’s focusing on that.
The Mighty Bush walks by, giving her a firm but supportive pat on the buttocks, “hehehe lookin good my little altoid!”
“Thanks, MB!”
He turns, focusing on the kitchen. No, it’s not a REAL kitchen...just a set. This is apparently gonna be one of THOSE videos. Plumber or some shit.
“Alright...are we ready for...rehearsal?” The Mighty Bush asks.
“Vag is ready to go!” the female worker replies, happily.
The Mighty Bush motions for her to get on set. She hustles as fast as she can in her very normal, not at all noticeable 7-inch heels.
“Okay...now...rehearse!” The Mighty Bush commands, throwing his arms in the air. His bush bouncing around.
The woman walks up to the sink. She turns it on. Nothing comes out.
“Oh no, I just hate it when nothing comes out!”
“Wait! Wait! Stop Stop!” The Mighty Bush isn’t happy.
“What is it, MB?”
“Please, call me Mighty.” He gets behind her, REAL close. He grabs her right arm, placing it on the faucet. “Now see, you touch the faucet like so. You rub it, like so. You move with the rhythm, like so.” We can’t really see the girl anymore. All we can see is The Mighty Bush’s giant mane rocking back and forth along with his body.
It stops.
“You see it now?”
“I do, Mighty. Thanks!”
“And, please, call me MB.” He steps out of the shot. “And, let’s go again!”
She tries turning on the faucet. She runs her hands along the steel. “Oh my, it appears we’re out of water.” She continues caressing it. We hear The Mighty Bush say ‘yes, yes...yes.’ “If we don’t have any water then I don’t know what I’d do. I couldn’t possibly put out any fires if…”
BOOM
Smokey the Bear bursts in.
“Is somebody in need of taming a wild fire?!”
“CUT!”
The Mighty Bush rushes over, his mane dancing around wildly. “Get out of here, Smokey!”
“But I heard there might be a fire and you know how I can’t stand for fires.”
“We are in the middle of shooting! Making ART”
“Well, okay then…” Smokey pauses, spotting the porn actress in her attire, rubbing the faucet. “Say, what’s going on over there?”
“Smokey, leave!”
“You mind if I hang around a bit?”
The Mighty Bush manages to push Smokey out of Studio Slurpy-Slurp.
“Okay, now, where were we? Ah yes, strokin the faucet.” The Mighty Bush sits in his chair. “Okay, let’s roll it again!”
“Oh my what will I ever do if I can’t get any liquids to come shooting out of this metal hose?” The actress turns and heads for the phone. “A plumber, I should call?”
“CUT!”
The Mighty Bush storms on set. He rips the phone from her hand. She startles. He slams the phone back onto the wall. Yes, its a landline.
“No, no, no!” He grabs her by the arm, leading her back to the faucet. “You do not just stroke the shaft and leave. You must build the anticipation, right? You reach under and play with the undercarriage.”
“Undercarriage?”
“Yes...the undercarriage.”
The Mighty Bush has his hand cupped, his fingers wiggling.
“Ohhh...the undercarriage, I get it.”
“Good, good. Now, let me show you.” He pushes her down, she bends at the knees. He leans over her, again, she vanishes due to his mane. All we can see is his mane shaking. “Yes, the undercarriage. You see? Yes. Like that. Very good.”
He finishes. “Whew! Alright! Lets go again!”
He hustles off set. She tugs down on her skirt. She’s got the faucet bit down. “Perhaps I need to check and play with the undercarriage?” she asks.
The Mighty Bush smiles, “yes, yes, good, very good.”
She tears open the cabinet doors beneath the sink.
“Ahhh!” she screams.
“CUT!”
The Mighty Bush rushes onto the set, “What is the matter? That was a perfect ten, altoid!”
“Look!”
The Mighty Bush turns. The Hamburger Helper guy waves from under the sink. “Hello there, friends.”
“Dodson?! What are you doing down there?”
Apparently, his name is Dodson.
“I was just hangin around...in case anybody got hungry. You guys hungry?”
The Mighty Bush extends an open hand. Dodson shakes it. He pulls Dodson from the sink and storms towards the front door. “I’ve got all kinds of recipes. Hamburger meat with mac n’ cheese. Hamburger meat with marinara sauce...ragu, even. I can whip up all sorts of.”
“You need to leave, right now! This is a CLOSED set!”
The Mighty Bush opens the front door. “Okay, but first, how fresh is your ground beef.”
“Goodbye, Dodson.” The Mighty Bush flings Dodson out the front door. He slams it shut, wipes his hands, and heads back.
“Okay, let’s run it again.”
The actress shakes off the interruption. She shuts the cabinet doors and springs into action. She’s really got this down. The Mighty Bush is very happy.
She finishes with the undercarriage. She stands, “Nothing seems to be working. Perhaps we need...some professional assistance.”
The Mighty Bush chuckles in the background. Very gleeful.
She heads for the phone and picks it up.
“And...CUT!”
The Mighty Bush leaps from his chair, his mane jiggling around wildly. He rushes on set, lunging at the barely dressed woman with a huge hug. “You were great my little altoid! Tremendous! This is going to be a work of ART.”
He pauses, catching his breath. “Now, where is our male lead. Where is Cock Hudson?”
“Uh, sir,” a lower level employee appears. “He’s actually on the phone.”
“You mean he isn’t here? How can we make art if the cock hudson isn’t here?”
“I think you’d better speak with him.”
The Mighty Bush takes the phone. “Hello? HELLO??” He glares at the employee, “What is this, some kind of joke? He’s not on the phone!”
“Uh, sir, you umm...have it upside down.”
The Mighty Bush narrows his eyes, slowly turning the phone into its proper place. “Hello?” he pauses. “ah, Cock, good to hear your voice. Where are you? We are ready.” He listens. Panic strikes him, “You what? Are you serious? Okay. Help is on the way.”
He hangs up.
“Cock is in trouble.”
We fade out.
Last Edit: Jul 2, 2021 1:55:37 GMT -5 by Marcus Welsh
Post by John E Depth on Jul 6, 2021 23:43:31 GMT -5
It’s a hot summer day. I’d give the location but then that means I’d have to look up geographical information, getting all specific with shit and, well, I just don’t feel like it.
It’s July. It’s fuckin hot. Just pick a place...in America, of course.
An outdated muscle car roars down a local freeway. The windows are down, meaning the A/C is probably dysfunctional. Dark, black smoke explodes from the tailpipe, doing its part to enhance the ongoing ‘global warming’ debate.
Cutting to an interior shot, a lobster sandal covers the driver’s right foot as it slams on the gas, accelerating down the open, paved road. A power, rock ballad blasts through the vehicle.
A man is behind the wheel, his jet black hair slicked back, remaining fairly sturdy despite the maniacal breeze. He sports a thick, black stache contrasted against an impressive 5 o’clock shadow.
His emotionless expression gives way to a smile, “Hehe.” Reaching between his legs, he snares an iPhone. It’s one of the older models. Like the iPhone 3 or some shit. Whatever.
“This is Cock.” Finally, the driver’s identity is revealed. It’s popular male pornstar, Cock Hudson. “Yea, I’m on my way. Fuck yea, I’ll be ready. Just make sure Bush knows about my lobster sandals. They stay on during fuck time.”
He hangs up before receiving an answer. Nobody tells Cock Hudson ‘no’. He’s a penetrative force within the adult film industry.
“Better get my game face on,” he announces, sliding his phone between his legs and reaching into the glove compartment. A bottle of ‘Viagra’ rests atop several unpaid parking tickets. Dude is impressive, swiping the cap open with his index and thumb. He knocks back one pill and debates a second.
“Guy is a pedantic fucker. Better go for two.” He knocks back a second. The Mighty Bush is a stickler for detail. Re-shoots are very likely to occur.
The bottle is returned and the compartment closed. He’s got it timed perfectly. The magic in his nether regions will begin to manifest just as he swaggers into the studio.
AN HOUR LATER
You gotta love life’s unexpected curveballs. Sometimes the station is out of gas. Other times the restaurant is out of burgers. And, well, sometimes you take a couple of Viagra in anticipation you’ll reach a destination within thirty minutes...only to hit a bunch of fucking traffic.
Such is the case with Cock. Stuck in traffic, he stares down at his pants. They are super tight. His dick is rock hard.
“Fuck,” he bemoans. It’s uncomfortable. It hurts. It’s, also, kind of embarrassing.
Leaning out of his window, he searches for hope. All he finds are vehicles bumper to bumper as far as the eye can see. Sliding back into his seat, he looks around. He’s in the right lane. Maybe he...maybe he can get away with it.
“Yea, if I tug on it a little maybe it’ll go down for awhile.” So, he commences in attempting to alleviate his issue. While doing so, the left lane moves a bit. A woman, bored, staring out the passenger's window, immediately sees what Cock is doing. She screams.
Cock throws his arms up. He pleads his innocence.
The passenger’s window rolls down. The woman’s husband shouts, “ARE YOU JERKING OFF YOU FUCKING PERVERT?”
“Of course not!” Cock yells back.
“Then what the hell were ya doin?!” His cadence calms but remains aggressive.
“Would you believe…” Cock pauses, his eyes darting around, “I spilled coffee all over my pants...and I don’t have any rags, so I’m trying to wipe my pants dry.”
The husband is kinda buying it. The wife goes from disgusted to sympathetic. “Oh, you poor thing, that’s gonna chafe in this traffic jam. It’s backed up for miles. Here, take a tissue for that issue.”
“No, ma’am, that’s quite alright, I really…” he tries to stop her.
She leans out of her window to hand the tissue and gets an unobstructed view of Cock’s dilemma.
“GEEZUS HE’S ROCK HARD!”
“WHAT?!” the husband yells back.
“And it’s really big, too.”
“That’s it, I’m calling the cops on this...wait, what did you say?”
The married couple proceed to argue. Cock knows he’s in trouble. He grabs his phone and dials The Mighty Bush.
“Yo, Bush, it’s Cock. Yea, I know I’m late...but there’s a problem”
Cock explains the issue to The Mighty Bush. Help is on the way.
Will it arrive in time?
TUNE IN FOR EPISODE THREE TO FIND OUT!
Last Edit: Jul 6, 2021 23:44:13 GMT -5 by John E Depth