The Who'Re Report 2.0 - Starring Grace Rimmer

[Grace Rimmer]

~We cut to the OCW Studio. It’s set up for The Who’Re Report. Grace Rimmer, once again, is dressed in attire a few sizes too small for her robustly feminine physique. AKB’s much lower, shittier chair (in the shape of a P) is empty. Grace crosses her legs...we almost get a peek but the camera cuts away really quick. She adjusts to the new angle. At the top of the screen, we see a hyphen~

Grace Rimmer: The hyphen. Merely a part of the English language or something more sinister?

AKB: I have your coffee, Grace.

Grace Rimmer: Please, call me Miss Rimmer.

~AKB says something under his breath~

Grace Rimmer: What was that?

AKB: Nothing, Miss Rimmer.

~She sips her coffee~

Grace Rimmer: It’ll pass. Go sit in your chair.

~AKB sits in his very small, shitty chair. Grace Rimmer’s giant, plush, ‘V’ shaped chair looks so comfy. She continues her report~

Grace Rimmer: Apparently a rogue group of linguistic sadists is attempting to influence people to hyphenate every-single-word in an effort to cheat promotional word caps.

~AKB kinda shrugs like it’s no big deal~

Grace Rimmer: It is too a big deal, Alpha!

~AKB Is like whatever~

Grace Rimmer: This horrifying narrative was perpetrated by XWF upper midcard talent, Thaddeus Duke. Is it ironic that a boy named Duke seeks to destroy the English language?

AKB: Not really.

Grace Rimmer: Alpha! This coffee needs more cream.

AKB: Yea, I bet you love cream.

Grace Rimmer: What was that?

~AKB shuts his mouth and gets up, grabbing her coffee~

Grace Rimmer: When polled about...what we’re calling HYPHENGATE. The pro wrestling community seemed split on this movement. One demographic, however, was less than thrilled about this proposal.

~We cut to a college campus~

College Kid: Uh, what? Make our papers LONGER?

College Kid 2: What the fuck ever. I ain’t looking to increase that shit.

~We cut back to Grace. Her coffee has been returned. She takes a sip. A bunch of cream gets stuck to her upper lip~

Grace Rimmer: College kids are with us. Hopefully more groups will come…

~AKB snickers, looking at her lip~

Grace Rimmer: What?

AKB: Nothing

Grace Rimmer: Ugh. As I was saying, don’t get swept up in Hyphengate. Help preserve the integrity of the English language. Say it with me...Less is More!

~College campuses all around the world agree. As do men who may not have a bunch of confidence in the bedroom~

Grace Rimmer: Now, while you’re here...in totally unrelated news...I’ve received confirmation that Vhodka Marie, OPW superstar, will be appearing on OCW Television before Quarantined.

AKB: Could really go for some vodka right about now.

Grace Rimmer: Quiet, Alpha. She may even appear as soon as tomorrow night! Our tremendous, groundbreaking GM, Who’Re is really getting work done. With Quarantined 12 days away...OCW is about to launch into a new era, leaving its antiquated past behind.

~AKB doesn’t seem totally sure on that one~

Grace Rimmer: Don’t miss Quarantined on June 20th. 8 wrestlers. 4 cages. 1 OCW Champion. And, keep an eye out for the final promos from all 8 competitors...which are scheduled to drop between now and Sunday.

~AKB leans to the side. He’s ready for this to end~

Grace Rimmer: And don’t miss Wednesday Night Piledriver. It airs tomorrow night with host, Cheasy M. I’m told Dylan Thomas, Mack O’Connor, and Mike Zybala will all be in attendance. Peter Vaughn will be the special interview. And...as always, keep an eye out for the debut of Vhodka Marie. It could happen at any time.

~Our camera shot cuts to the original view. Grace smiles. Her wide eyes projecting a sensual sophistication~

Grace Rimmer: Until next time, I’m Grace Rimmer and you’ve been listening to...The Who’Re Report.

~We cut away~

[Deleted]

A fantastic report once again Grace my dear.  You're doing women everywhere proud.  However you do realise that AKB was mocking you throughout that entire report?

Get me on the show and we can take the Who'Re report to the stars.

Keep that in mind, as I have a few ideas....

Lissandra