Weekly Press Conference (Featuring a RETURNING face)

[Marcus Welsh]

~We cut to the OCW Press Conference Room. Yes, this is the room where press conference take place in OCW. Jock Reasoning mans the podium. The Indiana Jones theme is playing in the background. Jock nods, approvingly. It comes to a close. He clears his throat and speaks into the mic~

Jock Reasoning: Love that theme. So Iconic. I tried to have it installed as the theme for OCW Survivor but I was overruled by Welsh and Buffett. Such is life as a mere TV personality. But, hey, that other song we used was pretty decent.

~Jock is, of course, referring to ‘Run Through the Jungle’ by CCR. GREAT SONG. But it’s no Indiana Jones~

Jock Reasoning: Anyways...I’m here for the weekly press conference. BUT...I’m not REALLY here for the weekly press conference. I’m about to step away and hand things over to a very familiar face.

~The press room buzzes with titillating excitement. WHO COULD THIS BE? AND ON A WEDNESDAY NIGHT, NO LESS?  Jock flashes those pearly whites and reveals the individual in question~

Jock Reasoning: Why it’s none other than host of the soon-to-be-returning Wednesday Night Piledriver...ladies and gentlemen...it’s CHEASY M!

~The older members of the press leap to their feet, going wild. The younger members are kind of confused...they’ve never seen Cheasy M before. Jock steps back and claps like a madman, trying to increase the roar of approval from within the press room. Cheasy appears sporting a sports coat that resembles your grandma’s couch. He’s got some wild hair and untamed facial scruff. He shakes Jock’s hand with RUTHLESS AGGRESSION...or, well, not really...it’s just a very EAGER handshake. Cheasy takes the podium. Jock stands behind him~

Cheasy M: It’s great to be back here in OCDUB!

Question 1: Where have you been?

Cheasy M: Well, after my plane went down in the jungle back in 2002...or 2003...hard to really remember, I spent many years living with the locals. I learned new customs and new traditions. I also found a new perspective on life.

Question 2: I thought Dean was the one who crashed in the jungle resulting in Bifford taking OCW over?

Cheasy M: Maybe we both did...maybe only one of us did...who really cares, right? It’s OCW...we’ll just rescript this as we go, am i right?

~The press room laughs~

Cheasy M: But, yea, being stranded in the middle of the jungle is no joke. I missed a lot of great things like the Red Sox winning the World Series and the sequel to Titanic.

Question 3: There was no sequel to Titanic.

Cheasy M: Hmm, really. Well, answer me this, is there a dolphin with hands roaming the seas molesting women at an alarming rate?

Question 4: Uhh...no

~And yes, we continue to label these as questions even if they are answers or statements~

Cheasy M: Well then, it appears as though I’ve been getting my historical information from unreliable sources.

Question 5: Are you still affiliated with Silverfreak?

Cheasy M: I spoke with THE FREAKSTER not too long ago. I asked if he’d be interested in returning to face Bifford. He laughed and said no. But I’m taking that as a NEVER SAY NEVER.

Question 6: Was it your idea to bring Piledriver back?

Cheasy M: I’ve wanted to bring Piledriver back ever since I vanished into the jungle all those years ago. The fact somebody with some authority pitched the idea was all I needed to leave my new family behind and return to OCW.

Question 7: Have you been keeping up with modern day OCW?

Cheasy M: I looked up some records. I saw some guys did some things...including Paras returning to win the OCW Title. I was always a Paras fan.

Question 8: Did you watch Manifest Destiny 2 this past Monday?

Cheasy M: I did! So many great competitors. I’ve got my eye on that Lilith lady. You know, back in my day the women didn’t wrestle the men. So, seeing her out there and competing with a talent like Noah Hanson was very impressive.

Question 9: Any names you DID recognize?

Cheasy M: Bifford, obviously. I took some notes on his style in case Silverfreak pulls the trigger and returns to face him. Sadly, there wasn’t much to notate. Chase looked good, though. I remember seeing Jason wrestle in his early days before my plane went down in the jungle.

Question 10: And how about Duce Jones? Did you know his father is Krayzie?

Cheasy M: I remember Krayzie! I think he may have wrestled a match or two on PILEDRIVER! Had no idea he had any kids, to be honest. Then again, why would I? I’ve been living in the jungle for nearly twenty years. But, man, Duce is one talented Jones. Guy could go far.

Question 11: Comments on the lighting situation during Zybala’s match?

Cheasy M: That was unfortunate. I think there might be some kind of conspiracy behind that and, trust me, we are going to get to the bottom of it. If it’s the last thing we do.

Question 12: Any words of encouragement for Mr. Zybala after his tough, unfair loss?

Cheasy M: Zybala is exactly the type of character OCW has been built upon. Hang in there, man. I think I speak for the majority of OCW followers when I say we’re all big Zybala fans.

Question 13: How unlucky is the number 13?

Cheasy M: I think that’s a question you should ask yourself.

Question 14: That main event was FIRE. How far has the competition come since your days as commissioner of OCW?

Cheasy M: It was fire. I was on the edge of my seat. TIO and PerZag both deserved to advance on Monday evening...but, ya know, that’s what makes competition so great. You have to earn everything you get. I don’t think the competition is better, per say. I just think it’s evolved into a more professional style. The Syrens and Freaks and Titan 3s of yesteryear would have no trouble hanging with today’s main eventers. They’d simply compete with a more unique style.

Question 15: Define professional.

Cheasy M: Pro Wrestling, in my day, was like the wild west. People jumped into this sport and did their thing. You never really knew what to expect. It seems to me, as this sport has evolved, people have emulated certain individuals and adopted a style. So, in that respect, the wrestlers are more professional...but not better.

Question 16: This week’s lineup is another pay per view caliber card. Do you remember Skye Hill and do you think she has a shot against Chelsea LeClair?

Cheasy M: I remember Skye Hill very well. Her match against Celest the Sorceress won Match of the Month. She would have set many records in OCW had the women’s division stuck around. Sadly, the demand wasn’t strong enough to move forward. As far as LeClair goes...it sounds to me as though she’s a super talent with a somewhat loose focus. I’m hearing she’s harnessed her focus and is set on making an impact in Manifest Destiny 2. I think this match is gonna be a great one!

Question 17: Speaking of great one...would you like to see The Great One back in OCW?

Cheasy M: NEXT QUESTION PLEASE

Question 18: Chad Vargas, another modern day legend, is taking on a former tag team champion, Sarah Twilight. Lilith, Sarah’s partner in more ways than one, already advanced...do you see Twilight doing the same and, if she does, would you consider that an upset?

Cheasy M: I would definitely consider that an upset. Any time a Hall of Famer goes down it’s an upset, Question 18 guy. But I think Twilight can do it. Call me crazy...but I have a feeling Lilith and Twilight might be the foundation of this new OCW era.

~The press room truly has no idea what to think about this statement~

Question 19: Another legend, Bob Grenier is facing the only unknown in this tournament, Cheyenne Tabernacke. How excited are you for this match?

Cheasy M: More excited than the time I had to kill my first python out in the jungle, let me tell you that! I don’t think there’s a wrestling promoter ALIVE who doesn’t get excited to watch a new talent perform. Chey has all the makings of a superstar here in OCW. Defeating Bob Grenier would be, perhaps the most impressive debut win of any wrestler in OCW history.

Question 20: And this Monday’s main event...Andrew Logan, a former OCW Champion, takes on Roach. Thoughts?

Cheasy M: This reminds me of the days when I helped run things. Two giants going at it in the main event. Andrew Logan is definitely a throw back to the old days. Same with Roach, actually. From what I understand, Roach is another wrestler with a ton of potential who is looking for that break out win. Defeating Logan would certainly give him that. But, man, I remember seeing Logan compete in ICWF and...this guy is legit. Ask anybody who watched him wrestle and they’ll tell you he’s the favorite to win Manifest Destiny 2.

Question 21: Which Indiana Jones movie is your favorite?

Cheasy M: The Last Crusade. Easy.

Question 22: What about Crystal Skull?

Cheasy M: I’m no fan of violence but anybody who likes that film should be locked inside a cage with Supreme Machine for half an hour. And, yes, Awe.Some...that WAS a 2015 reference.

Question 23: Can we get an update on Uber Man? Is he okay?

Cheasy M: I’m not allowed to speak on anything medical. I’m not a doctor. At least not a professionally licensed doctor. I did practice medicine when I was lost in the jungle but that’s not exactly the same thing. I do think we’ll get an update on Uber this Monday.

Question 24: Who is your all time favorite OCW star?

Cheasy M: Silverfreak, of course.

Question 25: Are we going to reach 30 questions?

Cheasy M: Hmm...I guess that’s up to you guys.

Question 26: Will Vincent Langston return? Or was FrostByte his swan song?

Cheasy M: I don’t think we’ll see ‘The Legend’ returning any time soon. His win at FrostByte was a career-defining achievement. The man, likely, has nothing left to prove.

Question 27: Any ideas on the feuds we’ll see heading into Season 1?

Cheasy M: We don’t even have a roster set for Season 1...so I can’t begin talking about feuds, can I? I mean, Uber and PerZag would seem natural...but that’s if Uber can compete. Then you have whoever was behind Zybala’s defeat...that would seem natural as well. Things are certainly materializing but we’ve got a long way to go.

Question 28: Do you plan to return to the jungle when your run here is done?

Cheasy M: I would have said yes. But, let me tell you, this HD TV thing is UH-MAZING...so I don’t think I’ll be returning to the jungle.

Question 29: Thoughts on The Lost Soul?

Cheasy M: I hope he has found religion.

Question 30: Why do you spell your name Cheasy?

~Cheasy backs away from the podium and looks at Jock. Jock steps forward~

Jock Reasoning: Alright! That’s enough for this week! We’ll see you guys on Monday for the conclusion of Manifest Destiny’s first round!

~Jock helps Cheasy out of the room, who is visibly upset by that 30th question. The reporters take note. We fade out~