Corona Virus pt. 3: Six Fucking Feet, Social Distancing
Apr 25, 2020 16:23:37 GMT -5
Marcus Welsh and Lilith like this
Post by Noah Hanson on Apr 25, 2020 16:23:37 GMT -5
We are now weeks into this fucking quarantine bullshit and we return to Stately Hanson Manor. We can see the mounds of recyclable material that are starting to pill up along the wall next to his gym. As the cameraman approaches the front door of YOUR heroes' meager home the door suddenly bursts open and Noah pops out, almost gleefully and then a dejected frown instantly appears.
“What the hell are YOU doing here?” Noah growled. “I have nothing for the website, this isn't one of those voyeur websites like you might see on Pornhub. Not that I would know a thing about that sorta thing mind you.”
“Um you have an upcoming match with Lilith Twilight?” the cameraman said reminding Noah of one of his newest adventures.
Noah nodded and then waved the cameraman in. “Twilight you say?”
“Yes sir?” the cameraman replied.
“You mean like a vampire?” Noah asked curiously.
“I have no clue.” the cameraman replied with a shrug. “I mean she looks like goth if ya ask me.”
Noah smiled slyly and pulled his phone out and then opened the Twitter app and searched a profile and then turned the screen to the cameraman and he nodded that the one he was showing him was correct. “This chick, she thinks she is just gonna wipe the floor with me?”
“She actually calls you a nerd that no one has ever heard of?” the cameraman replied.
Noah seems irritated by the comment, rubs his chin like he is starting to get pissed off. “Really? She said that?”
The cameraman shows Noah the tweet. Noah shakes his head a few times and then pushes the cameraman back a few steps. “Ok, now she is bein' plain dumb. Not my fault she was to busy sucking pussy in middle school to actually figure out what wrestling is. See I have been doin' this for a long time and for someone to sit there and make a claim that they never heard of me or that I am some sorta pushover is just gonna have one thing come out of it. They are gonna get busted up and hurt real bad. I mean I can understand someone bein' confident, boast a little there is nothing wrong with that but to sit there and say that you have no idea who I am when I was in OCW the last time it was open and so was she. Maybe she needs to pull her face out from between the legs of her twat wife and start payin' attention to the things that really matter.”
Noah looks irritated as he walks back into his house, the cameraman follows. “See this is the kinda bitch that I just hate. She wants to think she is something bigger then she really is. She talks a good game but I kinda doubt she is gonna be able to back it up. I mean she is a dyke what is her finisher called “The Scissor-hold”. See she claims no one has ever heard of me but funny OCW came looking for me. GCWA came looking for me and even though it pains me to admit Lee Best and HOW came looking for me. So if you can connect a few dots darlin' and I am not that sure that you can do that at all but hell I'll be nice and do it for you. People for good or bad know exactly who I am regardless of what kinda mental midget you might be people all over this business know me. Some may hate me, some may actually like me but there is no doubt that I have made a name for myself in this business. Do some research next time sunshine I mean I did a little research about you. I know you're a former OCW Tag Team champ, I know you are a rug muncher, I did my due diligence just like you should have but you are the one that made it personal, you had to come at me like you did. See I just wanted this to be a friendly little match up, two great talents, well let's be realistic, one great talent...myself and one mediocre talent....that would be you in case you are wondering. See I wanted to just go out there, put on a good match, shake hands before and after the match but you just couldn't do that could you? You had to do this, I mean I guess that is how you do things, you have to make yourself look imposing I guess you think that by talking tough, talking about how you're gonna walk all over me that I am just supposed to take a wrong turn somewhere and just not show up. Sister I got news for ya, that ain't happening. I said I was gonna come a smack that ass and that is exactly what is gonna happen. And let's quit acting like you ain't into to that sorta thing. Freak. Not that there is anything wrong with it but acting like some sorta prude is kinda weird. I mean if you';re a freak and I am guessing that you are, be proud of it, own it, don't afraid to let people see who you really are.”
Noah continues into his house further, we can see the wall of toilet paper, yes he mad hoarded that shit paper the very first day, He is proud it as well, no he didn't do anything shady, didn't make any sorta profit off of it, just wants to be ready in case things turn worse.
“Are you even using any of it?” the cameraman asked as he looked at the wall of toilet paper.
“Don't you be eye balling that.” Noah warned. “I pulled a lot of strings to get that here.”
“What?” the cameraman asked.
“Yeah I had to call in a favor at the local Wal Mart I know this hot chick that works behind the scenes her name is Wendy and well she kinda has a thing for me. I wanted some toilet paper, she wanted my dick and well there ya go.”
“You whore...” the cameraman barked.
“No...” Noah replied flabbergasted by the remark. “No...we worked out a trade....”
“For sex....” the cameraman replied. “What about Cassandra?”
“What about her?” Noah replied looking unfazed.
“What did she have to say about it?” the cameraman asked.
Noah chuckled. “Are you kidding she was there, that girl is a bigger freak than I am. See that is why I am telling Lilith not to be such a prude, don't act like you are some saint when we all know in this day and age, the freakier the better. I love the fact that I have a woman in my life that is willing to do some stuff that might turn others off but there are those out there that proudly wave that freak flag for all to see. Lilith don't be shy honey, maybe the wife is freakier then you think, maybe she has some kinks in her closet that she's been afraid to share. See I look at you and you come out with your goth look and girl on girl love and then you try to act like you're all wholesome and straight laced but you can't have it both ways baby. You're either a prude and straight or you a re freak flag waving, pussy eating, strap on wearing, pull that hair bitch and you know what I am leaning towards the later and there is NOTHING wrong with it at all.”
“See go ahead and boast all you want, have seen it all, been through the ringers in High Octane Wrestling and lived to actually wanna wrestle after. You could never handle a meat grinder like HOW, it spits people like you out in a month. See I have been beaten down, belittled and embarrassed by the best of them, you, you are minor league compared to them. You think you can beat me? Great come get some, lace up your boots, shove the butt plug up yer ass and let's do this. I am not afraid to lose, check my record has happened plenty of times but I think this one is gonna fall in my favor and even if it doesn't I could give a rats ass because I have already done everything I have ever wanted to do in this business. I have been doin' this for a long time darlin', seen it all and done it all in fact. I saw this tournament and thought why not, been in plenty of these and have even won a few of them. I mean you look at this roster and it is pretty stacked my money is on Duce or Bifford if I had to bet on someone. And no honey betting on yourself to win is just fucking cheesy. Although when I looked at the odds and saw I was twelve to one odds I have to admit that kinda left a bad taste in my mouth. I wasn't really sure how to take it, thought this has to be some kinda mistake, this isn't High Octane Wrestling. I just couldn't believe that someone had me as a long shot but looking at all the home grown talent that OCW has lined up for this I guess I should be glad that I am where I am on the odds-makers board.”
The cameraman just decides to sit down and let Noah do his thing.
“See Lilith this was originally all about just having some fun for me, it was never about winning. I don't care about winning this thing, truth be told it still doesn't matter if I beat you but you making it personal on Twitter, you acting like I am some ham and egger, you thinking that is is just gonna be some sorta cake walk. Well you just made it my business to give a shit sandwich, you know you're still a woman and all women know how to take two pieces of bread, grab a knife and well your sandwich making instincts kick in after that. See cause after I win, I am gonna need you to head to the kitchen and start getting my sandwich ready for me. See your mistake was acting the way you did and not acting like a professional cause now all you've done is piss me off, you wanna get all ballsy, you wanna throw shade my way. Great, love to hear that because you won't have any god damn excuses when I send you back to the kitchen where you fucking belong.” Noah continued to warn his opponent and then looked at the cameraman. “What?”
“You can't say that crap these days?” the cameraman said reminding Noah of the current state of the world.
“You mean the way this whole world has turned into one big vagina?” Noah asked.
“Well yeah..” the cameraman replied.
“Political Correctness I believe is what it is called and you know what I say to that? Fuck that bullshit. People wanna throw shade at me, people wanna make things personal well shit just got real and god damn it this Corona Virus bullshit is making me god damn crazy I have fucking had it not bein' able to go to the strip club, no bars, this just about like a god damn concentration camp. I have had it with all this quarantine business....I can't take it anymore!” Noah yelled and the grabbed the cameraman. “If I don't get some titties in my face and soon I am gonna go postal! Are you still recording?”
Noah looked at the camera and rolled his eyes.
“Don't forget my sammich Lilith...”
(fade)
“What the hell are YOU doing here?” Noah growled. “I have nothing for the website, this isn't one of those voyeur websites like you might see on Pornhub. Not that I would know a thing about that sorta thing mind you.”
“Um you have an upcoming match with Lilith Twilight?” the cameraman said reminding Noah of one of his newest adventures.
Noah nodded and then waved the cameraman in. “Twilight you say?”
“Yes sir?” the cameraman replied.
“You mean like a vampire?” Noah asked curiously.
“I have no clue.” the cameraman replied with a shrug. “I mean she looks like goth if ya ask me.”
Noah smiled slyly and pulled his phone out and then opened the Twitter app and searched a profile and then turned the screen to the cameraman and he nodded that the one he was showing him was correct. “This chick, she thinks she is just gonna wipe the floor with me?”
“She actually calls you a nerd that no one has ever heard of?” the cameraman replied.
Noah seems irritated by the comment, rubs his chin like he is starting to get pissed off. “Really? She said that?”
The cameraman shows Noah the tweet. Noah shakes his head a few times and then pushes the cameraman back a few steps. “Ok, now she is bein' plain dumb. Not my fault she was to busy sucking pussy in middle school to actually figure out what wrestling is. See I have been doin' this for a long time and for someone to sit there and make a claim that they never heard of me or that I am some sorta pushover is just gonna have one thing come out of it. They are gonna get busted up and hurt real bad. I mean I can understand someone bein' confident, boast a little there is nothing wrong with that but to sit there and say that you have no idea who I am when I was in OCW the last time it was open and so was she. Maybe she needs to pull her face out from between the legs of her twat wife and start payin' attention to the things that really matter.”
Noah looks irritated as he walks back into his house, the cameraman follows. “See this is the kinda bitch that I just hate. She wants to think she is something bigger then she really is. She talks a good game but I kinda doubt she is gonna be able to back it up. I mean she is a dyke what is her finisher called “The Scissor-hold”. See she claims no one has ever heard of me but funny OCW came looking for me. GCWA came looking for me and even though it pains me to admit Lee Best and HOW came looking for me. So if you can connect a few dots darlin' and I am not that sure that you can do that at all but hell I'll be nice and do it for you. People for good or bad know exactly who I am regardless of what kinda mental midget you might be people all over this business know me. Some may hate me, some may actually like me but there is no doubt that I have made a name for myself in this business. Do some research next time sunshine I mean I did a little research about you. I know you're a former OCW Tag Team champ, I know you are a rug muncher, I did my due diligence just like you should have but you are the one that made it personal, you had to come at me like you did. See I just wanted this to be a friendly little match up, two great talents, well let's be realistic, one great talent...myself and one mediocre talent....that would be you in case you are wondering. See I wanted to just go out there, put on a good match, shake hands before and after the match but you just couldn't do that could you? You had to do this, I mean I guess that is how you do things, you have to make yourself look imposing I guess you think that by talking tough, talking about how you're gonna walk all over me that I am just supposed to take a wrong turn somewhere and just not show up. Sister I got news for ya, that ain't happening. I said I was gonna come a smack that ass and that is exactly what is gonna happen. And let's quit acting like you ain't into to that sorta thing. Freak. Not that there is anything wrong with it but acting like some sorta prude is kinda weird. I mean if you';re a freak and I am guessing that you are, be proud of it, own it, don't afraid to let people see who you really are.”
Noah continues into his house further, we can see the wall of toilet paper, yes he mad hoarded that shit paper the very first day, He is proud it as well, no he didn't do anything shady, didn't make any sorta profit off of it, just wants to be ready in case things turn worse.
“Are you even using any of it?” the cameraman asked as he looked at the wall of toilet paper.
“Don't you be eye balling that.” Noah warned. “I pulled a lot of strings to get that here.”
“What?” the cameraman asked.
“Yeah I had to call in a favor at the local Wal Mart I know this hot chick that works behind the scenes her name is Wendy and well she kinda has a thing for me. I wanted some toilet paper, she wanted my dick and well there ya go.”
“You whore...” the cameraman barked.
“No...” Noah replied flabbergasted by the remark. “No...we worked out a trade....”
“For sex....” the cameraman replied. “What about Cassandra?”
“What about her?” Noah replied looking unfazed.
“What did she have to say about it?” the cameraman asked.
Noah chuckled. “Are you kidding she was there, that girl is a bigger freak than I am. See that is why I am telling Lilith not to be such a prude, don't act like you are some saint when we all know in this day and age, the freakier the better. I love the fact that I have a woman in my life that is willing to do some stuff that might turn others off but there are those out there that proudly wave that freak flag for all to see. Lilith don't be shy honey, maybe the wife is freakier then you think, maybe she has some kinks in her closet that she's been afraid to share. See I look at you and you come out with your goth look and girl on girl love and then you try to act like you're all wholesome and straight laced but you can't have it both ways baby. You're either a prude and straight or you a re freak flag waving, pussy eating, strap on wearing, pull that hair bitch and you know what I am leaning towards the later and there is NOTHING wrong with it at all.”
“See go ahead and boast all you want, have seen it all, been through the ringers in High Octane Wrestling and lived to actually wanna wrestle after. You could never handle a meat grinder like HOW, it spits people like you out in a month. See I have been beaten down, belittled and embarrassed by the best of them, you, you are minor league compared to them. You think you can beat me? Great come get some, lace up your boots, shove the butt plug up yer ass and let's do this. I am not afraid to lose, check my record has happened plenty of times but I think this one is gonna fall in my favor and even if it doesn't I could give a rats ass because I have already done everything I have ever wanted to do in this business. I have been doin' this for a long time darlin', seen it all and done it all in fact. I saw this tournament and thought why not, been in plenty of these and have even won a few of them. I mean you look at this roster and it is pretty stacked my money is on Duce or Bifford if I had to bet on someone. And no honey betting on yourself to win is just fucking cheesy. Although when I looked at the odds and saw I was twelve to one odds I have to admit that kinda left a bad taste in my mouth. I wasn't really sure how to take it, thought this has to be some kinda mistake, this isn't High Octane Wrestling. I just couldn't believe that someone had me as a long shot but looking at all the home grown talent that OCW has lined up for this I guess I should be glad that I am where I am on the odds-makers board.”
The cameraman just decides to sit down and let Noah do his thing.
“See Lilith this was originally all about just having some fun for me, it was never about winning. I don't care about winning this thing, truth be told it still doesn't matter if I beat you but you making it personal on Twitter, you acting like I am some ham and egger, you thinking that is is just gonna be some sorta cake walk. Well you just made it my business to give a shit sandwich, you know you're still a woman and all women know how to take two pieces of bread, grab a knife and well your sandwich making instincts kick in after that. See cause after I win, I am gonna need you to head to the kitchen and start getting my sandwich ready for me. See your mistake was acting the way you did and not acting like a professional cause now all you've done is piss me off, you wanna get all ballsy, you wanna throw shade my way. Great, love to hear that because you won't have any god damn excuses when I send you back to the kitchen where you fucking belong.” Noah continued to warn his opponent and then looked at the cameraman. “What?”
“You can't say that crap these days?” the cameraman said reminding Noah of the current state of the world.
“You mean the way this whole world has turned into one big vagina?” Noah asked.
“Well yeah..” the cameraman replied.
“Political Correctness I believe is what it is called and you know what I say to that? Fuck that bullshit. People wanna throw shade at me, people wanna make things personal well shit just got real and god damn it this Corona Virus bullshit is making me god damn crazy I have fucking had it not bein' able to go to the strip club, no bars, this just about like a god damn concentration camp. I have had it with all this quarantine business....I can't take it anymore!” Noah yelled and the grabbed the cameraman. “If I don't get some titties in my face and soon I am gonna go postal! Are you still recording?”
Noah looked at the camera and rolled his eyes.
“Don't forget my sammich Lilith...”
(fade)
