Post by vicvinegar on Aug 6, 2019 20:55:46 GMT -5
The camera zooms in to an abandoned school parking lot. Red letters flash over the screen that read Vinegar Files Chapter 1: The Charizard.
The camera zoom down even more before focusing on the only two figures in the empty lot. There is a young boy and Vic Vinegar, wearing a dark duster in the summer afternoon Florida heat. He is visibly sweating.
Boy: “Why don’t you take off that duster?”
Vic: “Why don’t you shut your stupid mouth.”
Boy: “It just looks like you’re really hot in it.”
Vic: “I’m not. My body is just getting rid of weakness. Your body is full of weakness you probably don’t even sweat!”
Boy: “Um okay.”
Vic: “Besides, rule number one of being a bodyguard. Always be intimidating.”
Boy: “So you’re ready for this.”
Vic: “Of course I’m ready. Don’t be dumb. This is easy. How old is this kid anyway? 8?”
Boy: “Twelve.”
Vic: “Ha a twelve-year-old buying a Charizard card. Who is he, Richard U-whatver his name. Ha! Nerd!”
Boy: “This is a pretty nice Charizard card, holographic first edition. I’m getting fifty bucks for it.”
Vic: “Wow! Fifty dollars. I eat fifty dollars worth of protein every day for breakfast. I don’t care I’m a yellow belt in taekwondo so yeah I think I can take on this 8 year old.”
A group of two kids ride their bike up to the two, stopping when Vic puts his hand up.
Vic: “Hold up you two!” He slightly lowers the pair of glasses on his face, looking at them for about three seconds. “Okay. Occular patdown. These guys are clear.” They get off the bike and Vic turns to the camera.
Vic: “Glad that’s over. I have a 100% success rate in determining who is a threat and who isn’t with my ocular patdown. I’m proud of that rating. Almost as proud to join OCW. Soon I’ll have those free taekwondo lessons and I continue to work on my sweet moves. Master Jones will have to let me back in. As long as I can pay I should be able to beat up those 14-year-olds. Anyway, all I have to do to get these lessons is beat Lurr. I don’t know much about that guy but I know after I use my killer moves on him, that’s the sound he’ll be making. He’ll gurggle a little bit and go “Lurrrr.” I saw a picture of him. He looks like I used to look before I became this muscle-bound freak you see beforehand. I’m the kind of physical freak no one's seen in OCW and I will SNAP LURR IN HALF!”
At this moment, Vic is forced to turn away from the camera. Someone is screaming loudly. He turns around and see’s the kid, his client down on the ground. The two kids are jumping on their bike, Charizard card in hand, peddling away. Vic looks to the kid.
Vic: “What happened?”
Boy: “While you were just talking to no one those kids took my card.”
Vic: “What!? I performed an ocular patdown. They were clear. You must have been a little jerk to them.”
Boy: “I didn’t do anything. You suck as a bodyguard. Catch them at least.”
Vic looks from the boy to the kids, still in the parking lot. He sprints. Well, it’s a sprint for him. It resembles a fast walk. He gets about forty-five feet before collapsing to the ground. He takes big deep breaths. He moves the duster, revealing a big sweat puddle forming on the asphalt ground.
The kid walks up to him. “I’m not giving you the $5 you wanted to do this.”
Vic struggles to catch his breath. He huffs and is able to finally speak with long pauses in the middle of the words. “Fool! I don’t….want….your…..money…..I’m getting…...free….taek...wan….do.”
The kid can only shake his head at Vic as the camera focuses in on his face before fading away.
The camera zoom down even more before focusing on the only two figures in the empty lot. There is a young boy and Vic Vinegar, wearing a dark duster in the summer afternoon Florida heat. He is visibly sweating.
Boy: “Why don’t you take off that duster?”
Vic: “Why don’t you shut your stupid mouth.”
Boy: “It just looks like you’re really hot in it.”
Vic: “I’m not. My body is just getting rid of weakness. Your body is full of weakness you probably don’t even sweat!”
Boy: “Um okay.”
Vic: “Besides, rule number one of being a bodyguard. Always be intimidating.”
Boy: “So you’re ready for this.”
Vic: “Of course I’m ready. Don’t be dumb. This is easy. How old is this kid anyway? 8?”
Boy: “Twelve.”
Vic: “Ha a twelve-year-old buying a Charizard card. Who is he, Richard U-whatver his name. Ha! Nerd!”
Boy: “This is a pretty nice Charizard card, holographic first edition. I’m getting fifty bucks for it.”
Vic: “Wow! Fifty dollars. I eat fifty dollars worth of protein every day for breakfast. I don’t care I’m a yellow belt in taekwondo so yeah I think I can take on this 8 year old.”
A group of two kids ride their bike up to the two, stopping when Vic puts his hand up.
Vic: “Hold up you two!” He slightly lowers the pair of glasses on his face, looking at them for about three seconds. “Okay. Occular patdown. These guys are clear.” They get off the bike and Vic turns to the camera.
Vic: “Glad that’s over. I have a 100% success rate in determining who is a threat and who isn’t with my ocular patdown. I’m proud of that rating. Almost as proud to join OCW. Soon I’ll have those free taekwondo lessons and I continue to work on my sweet moves. Master Jones will have to let me back in. As long as I can pay I should be able to beat up those 14-year-olds. Anyway, all I have to do to get these lessons is beat Lurr. I don’t know much about that guy but I know after I use my killer moves on him, that’s the sound he’ll be making. He’ll gurggle a little bit and go “Lurrrr.” I saw a picture of him. He looks like I used to look before I became this muscle-bound freak you see beforehand. I’m the kind of physical freak no one's seen in OCW and I will SNAP LURR IN HALF!”
At this moment, Vic is forced to turn away from the camera. Someone is screaming loudly. He turns around and see’s the kid, his client down on the ground. The two kids are jumping on their bike, Charizard card in hand, peddling away. Vic looks to the kid.
Vic: “What happened?”
Boy: “While you were just talking to no one those kids took my card.”
Vic: “What!? I performed an ocular patdown. They were clear. You must have been a little jerk to them.”
Boy: “I didn’t do anything. You suck as a bodyguard. Catch them at least.”
Vic looks from the boy to the kids, still in the parking lot. He sprints. Well, it’s a sprint for him. It resembles a fast walk. He gets about forty-five feet before collapsing to the ground. He takes big deep breaths. He moves the duster, revealing a big sweat puddle forming on the asphalt ground.
The kid walks up to him. “I’m not giving you the $5 you wanted to do this.”
Vic struggles to catch his breath. He huffs and is able to finally speak with long pauses in the middle of the words. “Fool! I don’t….want….your…..money…..I’m getting…...free….taek...wan….do.”
The kid can only shake his head at Vic as the camera focuses in on his face before fading away.