Post by Logan Blades on May 28, 2019 14:04:27 GMT -5
The cameras pan backstage to find OCW superstar and vampire slayer, Logan, standing in front of a locker room door that belongs to 'Lilith'. That's what the plank says at least. Logan's head is shaking back and forth, possibly at the idea that Lilith even has her own locker. He paces in place, talking to himself.
Logan: I'm going to tell this crayon boudle bitch to stop using my lines. I mean, yes she's probably disabled in the head but that isn't my fault. Either way… it ends tonight. You got this, Logan. You took down a vampire last Monday. YOU GOT THIS.
After psyching himself up, he knocks three times. On the third knock the door quickly opens and a distressed Lilith looks out, not even fully opening the door. After she realizes it's her former tag partner, Logan, she opens the door fully, grabs him by the collar of his shirt and pulls him inside slamming the door behind them.
Lilith: LOGAN!!! Thank god bear it's you! They're after me, Logi Bear… I don't know why but they're after me! You gotta help me! You gotta protect me!
Lilith paused as she almost cowers behind Logan's back, staring back at the door over his shoulder,
Lilith: Please Logi Bear.
Logan: Yup. Nevermind. This was a terrible idea.
He goes to exit this tard house, grabbing the door knob, which refuses to function. After a few tries the doorknob comes off. Logan turns back to Lilith, doorknob in his hand, uneasy laugh in his mouth.
Logan: Heh. Heh. Ha.
Lilith: You are going to stay here with me... you are going to protect me... AND you are going to stick with me and be my bestest friend... FOR-EVER!!!
Lilith reaches around Logan's shoulder and hits the light switch. The room instantly plunges into pitch darkness as a high pitched scream can be heard. Which is instantly recognised to be Lilith's as she immediately switches the lights back on.
Lilith: I forgot I was scared of the dark.
Logan's jaw drops, along with the broken doorknob.
Logan: How do you forget you're scared - know what, nevermind. The Face of Treachery, Logan the Vampire Slayer, came here to tell you to your glue sniffing face that this is it. No more. A new law in OCW begins now. A new program. This is how it works. You say ANY of my catch phrases and I just slap the shit out of you.
He slows it down for her.
Logan: Understand? Catchphrase. My hand. Your face.
He slaps his hands together making a loud clap.
Logan: BOW. You follow?
Lilith blinks.
Logan: Fire.. HOT. Cookies… YUMMY. You say boudle… OUCHIE. OW. No good.
Feeling he's done a good deed. He smiles, patting Lilith on the shoulder, and even one on the head.
Logan: Now. Me. LOGAN.
He points to himself as if she couldn't understand even that.
Logan: Needs to go. So have fun with your imaginary bullcrap. FUN.
He starts messing with the door, pleased with himself he has spoken properly to this cavewoman. Before he can open it up though, Lilith reaches around his head, her black polished nails digging into his flesh and yanks him around to face her again. Lilith seemingly going through all the emotions as she seems to literally be on the verge of screaming and crying.
Lilith: I SAID YOU AREN'T LEAVING ME!!! Everyone always leaves me! YOU AREN'T DOING IT TOO!!!
WHACK!!! Lilith reaches back and BLASTS Logan right in the jaw with a hard right hand. He stumbles and crashes down into one of the nearby tables containing most of Lilith's cookie collection.
Lilith: Why can't you love me?! Why can't you stay?! I tried to make a Logi Bear! I really really did! But he came out retarded! Sarah Teddy had to kill him! But she won't kill YOU! You're MINE! She will understand! She will love you too! Lilith and Logan FOREVER!
Covered in cookies, Logan looks up to Lilith, idly nursing his jaw, and within a bizarre logic mixed in with disturbing profound appreciation of someone knocking him into a pile of cookies - he begins to laugh, and he is unable to stop. Howling out until his side's cramp, eyes streaming with joyful tears.
Logan: I don't believe…
He gasps in a chunk of air speaking between laughter.
Logan: … have ever quite had the pleasure of meeting anyone more annoying and yet adorable than you. Haha!
Logan continues to laugh as Lilith smiles at him, big, and charges right at him causing the two wrestlers to tumble down and fall into the nearby water cooler, sending water splashing everywhere. The two wrestlers continue to roll around on the floor until finally Lilith successfully manages to pin Logan’s arms above his head and sits right on top of his stomach.
Lilith: BOOM! You’re staying!
Logan: You have this all backwards, Lilo. It is not I who will be staying with you…
He breaks an arm free and wraps a hand into Lilith's throat to squeeze some retard and air out of her head.
Logan: You will be staying with ME!
He grins through gritted teeth, slinging Lilith off of him. He then grabs her by the hair, dragging her towards the locker door, and kicks it open.
Logan: Now you're off, Lilith, with me. And guess who is about to make me a sandwich?
He bursts out in further laughter, dragging a kicking and screaming Lilith by the hair down the concrete hall.
Logan: I'm going to tell this crayon boudle bitch to stop using my lines. I mean, yes she's probably disabled in the head but that isn't my fault. Either way… it ends tonight. You got this, Logan. You took down a vampire last Monday. YOU GOT THIS.
After psyching himself up, he knocks three times. On the third knock the door quickly opens and a distressed Lilith looks out, not even fully opening the door. After she realizes it's her former tag partner, Logan, she opens the door fully, grabs him by the collar of his shirt and pulls him inside slamming the door behind them.
Lilith: LOGAN!!! Thank god bear it's you! They're after me, Logi Bear… I don't know why but they're after me! You gotta help me! You gotta protect me!
Lilith paused as she almost cowers behind Logan's back, staring back at the door over his shoulder,
Lilith: Please Logi Bear.
Logan: Yup. Nevermind. This was a terrible idea.
He goes to exit this tard house, grabbing the door knob, which refuses to function. After a few tries the doorknob comes off. Logan turns back to Lilith, doorknob in his hand, uneasy laugh in his mouth.
Logan: Heh. Heh. Ha.
Lilith: You are going to stay here with me... you are going to protect me... AND you are going to stick with me and be my bestest friend... FOR-EVER!!!
Lilith reaches around Logan's shoulder and hits the light switch. The room instantly plunges into pitch darkness as a high pitched scream can be heard. Which is instantly recognised to be Lilith's as she immediately switches the lights back on.
Lilith: I forgot I was scared of the dark.
Logan's jaw drops, along with the broken doorknob.
Logan: How do you forget you're scared - know what, nevermind. The Face of Treachery, Logan the Vampire Slayer, came here to tell you to your glue sniffing face that this is it. No more. A new law in OCW begins now. A new program. This is how it works. You say ANY of my catch phrases and I just slap the shit out of you.
He slows it down for her.
Logan: Understand? Catchphrase. My hand. Your face.
He slaps his hands together making a loud clap.
Logan: BOW. You follow?
Lilith blinks.
Logan: Fire.. HOT. Cookies… YUMMY. You say boudle… OUCHIE. OW. No good.
Feeling he's done a good deed. He smiles, patting Lilith on the shoulder, and even one on the head.
Logan: Now. Me. LOGAN.
He points to himself as if she couldn't understand even that.
Logan: Needs to go. So have fun with your imaginary bullcrap. FUN.
He starts messing with the door, pleased with himself he has spoken properly to this cavewoman. Before he can open it up though, Lilith reaches around his head, her black polished nails digging into his flesh and yanks him around to face her again. Lilith seemingly going through all the emotions as she seems to literally be on the verge of screaming and crying.
Lilith: I SAID YOU AREN'T LEAVING ME!!! Everyone always leaves me! YOU AREN'T DOING IT TOO!!!
WHACK!!! Lilith reaches back and BLASTS Logan right in the jaw with a hard right hand. He stumbles and crashes down into one of the nearby tables containing most of Lilith's cookie collection.
Lilith: Why can't you love me?! Why can't you stay?! I tried to make a Logi Bear! I really really did! But he came out retarded! Sarah Teddy had to kill him! But she won't kill YOU! You're MINE! She will understand! She will love you too! Lilith and Logan FOREVER!
Covered in cookies, Logan looks up to Lilith, idly nursing his jaw, and within a bizarre logic mixed in with disturbing profound appreciation of someone knocking him into a pile of cookies - he begins to laugh, and he is unable to stop. Howling out until his side's cramp, eyes streaming with joyful tears.
Logan: I don't believe…
He gasps in a chunk of air speaking between laughter.
Logan: … have ever quite had the pleasure of meeting anyone more annoying and yet adorable than you. Haha!
Logan continues to laugh as Lilith smiles at him, big, and charges right at him causing the two wrestlers to tumble down and fall into the nearby water cooler, sending water splashing everywhere. The two wrestlers continue to roll around on the floor until finally Lilith successfully manages to pin Logan’s arms above his head and sits right on top of his stomach.
Lilith: BOOM! You’re staying!
Logan: You have this all backwards, Lilo. It is not I who will be staying with you…
He breaks an arm free and wraps a hand into Lilith's throat to squeeze some retard and air out of her head.
Logan: You will be staying with ME!
He grins through gritted teeth, slinging Lilith off of him. He then grabs her by the hair, dragging her towards the locker door, and kicks it open.
Logan: Now you're off, Lilith, with me. And guess who is about to make me a sandwich?
He bursts out in further laughter, dragging a kicking and screaming Lilith by the hair down the concrete hall.