Post by ocwnewsline on Jan 20, 2015 21:19:33 GMT -5
~Outside of a local Japanese steakhouse, OCW reporter, Clubbin Man is holding a microphone, tapping his foot rhythmically against the paved surface. The light to the camera comes on, snaring his attention~
Clubbin Man: What’s up cool cats of OC-double-youuuuuuu...it is I, Clubbin Man, chasing down a lead on a potential Tag Team match at Revenge. I’m being told the tag titles...or, as they may be called, the Titties
~A wad of paper is hurled at Clubbin Man, slapping him in the face. He picks it up, unwads the paper and reads it~
Clubbin Man: Scuse me...Twinsies is what I’m hearing they may be called. That or some name that has to do with stars and planets and other things I could care less about.
~It’s a bit rainy outside, so droplets of water start to slap into puddles. This produces a rhythm, which Clubbin Man’s foot taps to~
Clubbin Man: Obviously, if these rumors are true, then the question remains...who will be placed into the match. Well...there are only two teams on the roster, so you jive people do the math.
~A steady breeze blows through, smacking a sign against the exterior of a building...that, coupled with the rain drops, creates even more of a beat. Clubbin Man’s head starts to bob back and forth~
Clubbin Man: Oh yea...so, since President Dean is being all Presidential and stuff...keeping things TOP SECRET...I’ve decided to hunt down a person who might have some answers.
~A car alarm goes off, creating even more of a beat with the sign and rain drops. Clubbin Man’s hips begin to swivel...he suddenly breaks into an all out dance. The camera cuts off~
~We cut back on with Clubbin Man moonwalking his way through the Japanese steakhouse. He finds himself smack dab in the middle of the place and decides to shout out~
Clubbin Man: EXCUSE ME, JAPANESE PEOPLE...DESCENDENTS OF JACKIE CHAN...I’M LOOKING FOR ITSUMADE!! NOW, WHERE IS HE...I KNOW HE’S HERE!
~They all just kind of look at Clubbin Man like he’s crazy. Not to mention, 95% of the restaurant is comprised of white people. Clubbin Man finally spots a semi-asian family nearby. He rushes over and not-so-subtly thrusts his crotch right up into the females face~
Clubbin Man: Excuse me, Japanese woman...where is Itsumade? Is he under this table? Is he back there cooking?
~The Japanese chef at the table has had enough. While cooking the onion volcano, he flips if off the table and into Clubbin Man’s face~
Clubbin Man: AHHH!! MY EYES!! YOU KAMIKAZE BASTARD!!
~Security rushes up and forcefully removes Clubbin Man from the premises as we cut to an OCW message~
**We at OCW do not condone nor do we share Clubbin Man’s narrow views on the Japanese culture. Sadly, thorough background checks weren’t so, umm, thorough when hiring most of our crew. Please, take most of what they say with a grain of salt. Having said that, President Dean has informed me...the faceless voice of reason in OCW...that a tag match is set to be announced soon**
Clubbin Man: What’s up cool cats of OC-double-youuuuuuu...it is I, Clubbin Man, chasing down a lead on a potential Tag Team match at Revenge. I’m being told the tag titles...or, as they may be called, the Titties
~A wad of paper is hurled at Clubbin Man, slapping him in the face. He picks it up, unwads the paper and reads it~
Clubbin Man: Scuse me...Twinsies is what I’m hearing they may be called. That or some name that has to do with stars and planets and other things I could care less about.
~It’s a bit rainy outside, so droplets of water start to slap into puddles. This produces a rhythm, which Clubbin Man’s foot taps to~
Clubbin Man: Obviously, if these rumors are true, then the question remains...who will be placed into the match. Well...there are only two teams on the roster, so you jive people do the math.
~A steady breeze blows through, smacking a sign against the exterior of a building...that, coupled with the rain drops, creates even more of a beat. Clubbin Man’s head starts to bob back and forth~
Clubbin Man: Oh yea...so, since President Dean is being all Presidential and stuff...keeping things TOP SECRET...I’ve decided to hunt down a person who might have some answers.
~A car alarm goes off, creating even more of a beat with the sign and rain drops. Clubbin Man’s hips begin to swivel...he suddenly breaks into an all out dance. The camera cuts off~
~We cut back on with Clubbin Man moonwalking his way through the Japanese steakhouse. He finds himself smack dab in the middle of the place and decides to shout out~
Clubbin Man: EXCUSE ME, JAPANESE PEOPLE...DESCENDENTS OF JACKIE CHAN...I’M LOOKING FOR ITSUMADE!! NOW, WHERE IS HE...I KNOW HE’S HERE!
~They all just kind of look at Clubbin Man like he’s crazy. Not to mention, 95% of the restaurant is comprised of white people. Clubbin Man finally spots a semi-asian family nearby. He rushes over and not-so-subtly thrusts his crotch right up into the females face~
Clubbin Man: Excuse me, Japanese woman...where is Itsumade? Is he under this table? Is he back there cooking?
~The Japanese chef at the table has had enough. While cooking the onion volcano, he flips if off the table and into Clubbin Man’s face~
Clubbin Man: AHHH!! MY EYES!! YOU KAMIKAZE BASTARD!!
~Security rushes up and forcefully removes Clubbin Man from the premises as we cut to an OCW message~
**We at OCW do not condone nor do we share Clubbin Man’s narrow views on the Japanese culture. Sadly, thorough background checks weren’t so, umm, thorough when hiring most of our crew. Please, take most of what they say with a grain of salt. Having said that, President Dean has informed me...the faceless voice of reason in OCW...that a tag match is set to be announced soon**