Post by ocwnewsline on Jun 10, 2016 10:32:58 GMT -5
Back in my younger days I was known as a purveyor of women. I’d put on a show, spot out the most attractive collection of females in the crowd and have them brought to me backstage. From that point forward, well, use your imagination. I left no female image untouched. It was great.
As I got older, my options limited, somewhat. I’ve still maintained an active prowess in the sexual department, however, the average age of my females has risen. At my age, if you want to get with a girl in your twenties, you’re going to have to lower the aesthetic standards a bit.
When it comes to the middle aged women, I still get my pick of the litter.
It had been a few weeks since my previous sexual escapade. A dry spell I was itching to erase.
Then, the storm hit, quenching my body’s thirst. It came pretty much out of nowhere, rising over a previously blue, cloudless horizon.
I hadn’t intended on sleeping with Emma Rold. We just sort of fell into the sand together. The attraction was too much, for either of us to resist.
As I lay there, with her arm over my wrinkled, old man, white haired chest, I felt satisfied. She was a tigress, for sure. The only issue was her potential as a candidate.
I mean, I certainly couldn’t hire her at that point, could I? What would she do with the wrestler’s? Sleep with them all?
Nah, she had effective eliminated herself from the running. But, as a consolation prize, I might remember her a month or two down the line.
She was out, man. One of those tireless workers who doesn’t get much sleep but, when they do, they might as well be dead for the next eight hours. I could have watched Independence Day on my tablet with the volume all the way up and she wouldn’t have budged.
So, I did what any self-respecting businessman would do in that situation. I decided to call Clark Harrington and conduct his interview.
He answered, via the magic of Skype. I could tell he was in a hotel room, bored out of his mind. He obviously hadn’t saved my number in, well, anything because when my face popped up, he was pretty shocked. It also could have been my naked torso and the slender, hairless arm across my chest…but, when dealing with the Buffet, a man should expect these kinds of surprises.
“Clark, you look like you’ve seen a ghost.”
“Jimmy! Hey, wasn’t expecting to speak with you until later today…you’ve caught me in the middle of, umm…”
“Are you watching in-room adult entertainment, Clark?”
“No, not at the moment…I did last night though…pretty disappointing when you consider what’s on the internet for free these days.”
“I’ve never watched porn alone.”
“Well, that’s good for you, sir, not all of us are as fortunate as you have been.”
“You’ve got that right. So…”
“Is that one of your groupie parrot heads?”
“Nah, just some slutty woman who couldn’t keep her pants on. It happens…listen, Clark….”
“Speaking of, you know this Emma Rold? I get the feeling I’ve got a chance at nailing her. Would you be upset if two candidates hooked up down here?”
Okay, that got me. I didn’t know how to react.
“Umm, I mean, if it’s going to take me out of the running, I’ll just continue watching cheesy pornography. I mean, it has been, like ten years since I got laid.”
“Ten years?! Good lord, man…haven’t you ever heard of a prostitute?”
I was angry at him for putting me in that position. I felt like a dick for getting mine wet. What an asshole.
“They charge double to service ex-cons…always afraid we might rough the girls up.”
“You could just not mention you were in prison, Clark.”
“Oh no, Jimmy, I must be forthcoming. It’s part of being the changed man that I am.”
I didn’t like hearing that. I’m not going to say I wanted a shady individual running things but being honest all the time? That sounded like bad business to me.
“Well, listen Clark, I hate to do this…but can we go ahead with the interview via Skype?”
“Oh,” I detected an extreme amount of disappointment in his voice, “I was really hoping I’d get the opportunity to meet you in person, Jimmy. I’m told I make a great face-to-face impression.”
“Tell ya what, I’ll send you tickets to the next concert I have in your area. Maybe I’ll be able to wave at you from the stage or something.”
“Or, you could just give me the job.” He laughed, as though he were joking, even though he wasn’t.
“Say I did, what would be your vision?”
“Well,” he straightened his posture and slid his hair back, “I would definitely use it as an opportunity to not just enhance their in-ring abilities…but to also teach them how to live life as responsible adults.”
“Okay.”
“I’d have business seminars, showing them how to invest their money. I’d explain what a diversified portfolio looks like. I’d do everything in my power to ensure that once they retired, they’d be able to function without the business of pro wrestling.”
“Yea, but if they are that business savvy, we might have a harder time negotiating cheap labor out of them.”
“Jimmy, that’s not our goal. Our goal is to sharpen the minds of individuals. To create a superior race, our goal is to raise the lower level individuals, strengthening the middle class. It’s the only way we can hope to help this country evolve into something better for the future.”
“Right,” I was so over the conversation.
“Here, I have a twenty-three point plan I’d like to…”
“Hey, Clark, I’ve gotta run, but this idea is amazing and I want to hear all about it in a few days. I’ll give you a call, okay?”
I killed the Skype session before he could say ‘bye’. Emma was beginning to stir.
“Mmmmm,” she elicited with a mix of pleasure and well rested enthusiasm. “Who was that?”
“Just some loser.”
“Sure sounded like it.” Her eyes opened. She smiled, “So, what about our interview?”
“Yea, about that…”
“You want to conduct it over dinner, tonight?” She had a hint of crazy in those eyes. I had to get away from her. If I leveled with her at that point, she would go nuts on me.
“Sure,” the cadence did not match the word.
“Great, there’s a wonderful steakhouse in the lobby of the hotel I’m staying at. How about seven o’clock?”
“Suuuure,” I’m not sure how, but that one sounded even less so than the first one. She kissed me on the cheek and got dressed. For whatever age she was, her body told a much younger story. She kept in great shape. I almost hated to drop her like I was about to.
As she walked away, down the beach, I did a quick search for that steakhouse. Just as I thought, seventy dollar steaks, twenty dollar sides and astronomical wine prices…if I wanted to drop hundreds of dollars for a meal on a woman, I’d have gotten married.
It was four in the afternoon. I had three hours to finish up the interviews and figure out how to handle Miss Rold. Or, I could just get drunk again. Life is full of tough decisions.
As I got older, my options limited, somewhat. I’ve still maintained an active prowess in the sexual department, however, the average age of my females has risen. At my age, if you want to get with a girl in your twenties, you’re going to have to lower the aesthetic standards a bit.
When it comes to the middle aged women, I still get my pick of the litter.
It had been a few weeks since my previous sexual escapade. A dry spell I was itching to erase.
Then, the storm hit, quenching my body’s thirst. It came pretty much out of nowhere, rising over a previously blue, cloudless horizon.
I hadn’t intended on sleeping with Emma Rold. We just sort of fell into the sand together. The attraction was too much, for either of us to resist.
As I lay there, with her arm over my wrinkled, old man, white haired chest, I felt satisfied. She was a tigress, for sure. The only issue was her potential as a candidate.
I mean, I certainly couldn’t hire her at that point, could I? What would she do with the wrestler’s? Sleep with them all?
Nah, she had effective eliminated herself from the running. But, as a consolation prize, I might remember her a month or two down the line.
She was out, man. One of those tireless workers who doesn’t get much sleep but, when they do, they might as well be dead for the next eight hours. I could have watched Independence Day on my tablet with the volume all the way up and she wouldn’t have budged.
So, I did what any self-respecting businessman would do in that situation. I decided to call Clark Harrington and conduct his interview.
He answered, via the magic of Skype. I could tell he was in a hotel room, bored out of his mind. He obviously hadn’t saved my number in, well, anything because when my face popped up, he was pretty shocked. It also could have been my naked torso and the slender, hairless arm across my chest…but, when dealing with the Buffet, a man should expect these kinds of surprises.
“Clark, you look like you’ve seen a ghost.”
“Jimmy! Hey, wasn’t expecting to speak with you until later today…you’ve caught me in the middle of, umm…”
“Are you watching in-room adult entertainment, Clark?”
“No, not at the moment…I did last night though…pretty disappointing when you consider what’s on the internet for free these days.”
“I’ve never watched porn alone.”
“Well, that’s good for you, sir, not all of us are as fortunate as you have been.”
“You’ve got that right. So…”
“Is that one of your groupie parrot heads?”
“Nah, just some slutty woman who couldn’t keep her pants on. It happens…listen, Clark….”
“Speaking of, you know this Emma Rold? I get the feeling I’ve got a chance at nailing her. Would you be upset if two candidates hooked up down here?”
Okay, that got me. I didn’t know how to react.
“Umm, I mean, if it’s going to take me out of the running, I’ll just continue watching cheesy pornography. I mean, it has been, like ten years since I got laid.”
“Ten years?! Good lord, man…haven’t you ever heard of a prostitute?”
I was angry at him for putting me in that position. I felt like a dick for getting mine wet. What an asshole.
“They charge double to service ex-cons…always afraid we might rough the girls up.”
“You could just not mention you were in prison, Clark.”
“Oh no, Jimmy, I must be forthcoming. It’s part of being the changed man that I am.”
I didn’t like hearing that. I’m not going to say I wanted a shady individual running things but being honest all the time? That sounded like bad business to me.
“Well, listen Clark, I hate to do this…but can we go ahead with the interview via Skype?”
“Oh,” I detected an extreme amount of disappointment in his voice, “I was really hoping I’d get the opportunity to meet you in person, Jimmy. I’m told I make a great face-to-face impression.”
“Tell ya what, I’ll send you tickets to the next concert I have in your area. Maybe I’ll be able to wave at you from the stage or something.”
“Or, you could just give me the job.” He laughed, as though he were joking, even though he wasn’t.
“Say I did, what would be your vision?”
“Well,” he straightened his posture and slid his hair back, “I would definitely use it as an opportunity to not just enhance their in-ring abilities…but to also teach them how to live life as responsible adults.”
“Okay.”
“I’d have business seminars, showing them how to invest their money. I’d explain what a diversified portfolio looks like. I’d do everything in my power to ensure that once they retired, they’d be able to function without the business of pro wrestling.”
“Yea, but if they are that business savvy, we might have a harder time negotiating cheap labor out of them.”
“Jimmy, that’s not our goal. Our goal is to sharpen the minds of individuals. To create a superior race, our goal is to raise the lower level individuals, strengthening the middle class. It’s the only way we can hope to help this country evolve into something better for the future.”
“Right,” I was so over the conversation.
“Here, I have a twenty-three point plan I’d like to…”
“Hey, Clark, I’ve gotta run, but this idea is amazing and I want to hear all about it in a few days. I’ll give you a call, okay?”
I killed the Skype session before he could say ‘bye’. Emma was beginning to stir.
“Mmmmm,” she elicited with a mix of pleasure and well rested enthusiasm. “Who was that?”
“Just some loser.”
“Sure sounded like it.” Her eyes opened. She smiled, “So, what about our interview?”
“Yea, about that…”
“You want to conduct it over dinner, tonight?” She had a hint of crazy in those eyes. I had to get away from her. If I leveled with her at that point, she would go nuts on me.
“Sure,” the cadence did not match the word.
“Great, there’s a wonderful steakhouse in the lobby of the hotel I’m staying at. How about seven o’clock?”
“Suuuure,” I’m not sure how, but that one sounded even less so than the first one. She kissed me on the cheek and got dressed. For whatever age she was, her body told a much younger story. She kept in great shape. I almost hated to drop her like I was about to.
As she walked away, down the beach, I did a quick search for that steakhouse. Just as I thought, seventy dollar steaks, twenty dollar sides and astronomical wine prices…if I wanted to drop hundreds of dollars for a meal on a woman, I’d have gotten married.
It was four in the afternoon. I had three hours to finish up the interviews and figure out how to handle Miss Rold. Or, I could just get drunk again. Life is full of tough decisions.